Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2007 April
2007 January
2006 December
2006 November
2006 October
2006 September
2006 August
2006 July
2006 June
2006 May
2006 April
2006 March
2006 February
2006 January
2005 December
2005 November
2005 October
2005 September
2005 August
2005 July
2005 June
2005 May
2005 April
2005 March
2005 February
2005 January
2004 November
2004 October
2004 September
2004 August
2004 July
2004 June
2004 May
2004 April
2004 March
2004 February
2004 January
2003 December
2003 November
My Links
Bobby Joe
Daft and Demented
AESav - AE's new home
Joolieblog II
Krazedone's Blog
Irishred (aka ApplesnOranges)
Andaloo
Sillygrrl
Crap Pix - Really
Briggsy
Anagamesx's Blog
Susan of Pudlin and the "Puds"
Fotocali on tblog
Fark all day - you know you want to
Lynne (aka ThingsIKnow)
Big Doral
Mark's Life
Flaring and her Fish that were once Fry
Ladyblog
Tenkin - not to be forgotten
Hhunter's Blog
The Original Natblog
Nattoons's Blog
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
|
| Sorry Tim |
| 06.30.04 (9:43 am) [edit] |
Well, if my post about you earlier was a jinx, I'm really sorry. I sort of have that effect on people. You broke my heart again but it's not all your fault. Your opponent was too inspired and had too much game.
Please don't quit. Please come back next year, Brave Tim.
|
|
1 Comments
|
| |
| Crash into Me |
| 06.29.04 (3:50 pm) [edit] |
Went to the mall over the weekend. Contrary to popular opinion, I don't like to shop. Correction: I don't like to shop when I have to buy something specific for a specific event on a specific day. I don't like the pressure of having to buy anything right here right now. I enjoy recreational shopping - wandering around the stores and finding absolute bargains, just looking, may be trying things on but eventually putting them back. There's no need or pressure. I don't have to rummage through racks of clothing and get irritated when I can't find anything in my size. I can tell the store clerks to piss off. Well, I'm more polite than that but in my mind that's what I'm thinking. I can pick, choose and refuse. However, when I need something for a special occasion, I feel hungry and desperate and totally stressed out. Yeah, sometimes shopping sucks.
Anyway, shopping isn't the point of this blog. I wanted to blog about something I observed and felt on my way to the mall but then I got on this rant about shopping and got carried away on a bitter wave. I took the bus to the mall and as we got to this intersection we were held up by a tow-truck which was trying to load up a car. The car had been crushed in an accident and the front was pratically gone. I looked around for the driver or another car when I noticed a less than average size woman sitting on the side-walk crying. It was obvious that it was her car. Suddenly, I saw a man approach her. He appeared to be her boyfriend. She got up from the ground and he embraced her. She cried on his shoulder. He stroked her hair and her back. He seemed to be telling her that it was going to be alright.
At that moment, I felt that this young woman, even though she had just lost her car, was infinitely luckier than me. I don't have some guy to come home to when I have a bad day. Ok, so I could call my brother or my Mom but it wouldn't be the same. Yeah, I guess I was entertaining Mr. Self-pity like AE.
|
|
2 Comments
|
| |
| The Swing Kitty Voters |
| 06.29.04 (12:29 pm) [edit] |
I've decided to put myself up for the featured blogs list. My tbucks were piling up and I had nothing else to do with them. If you like my blog and you aren't running or you don't already have a friend running, please vote for me. Thank you.
[image]dangerkitty_103804 4776.jpg[/image]
|
|
11 Comments
|
| |
| Singing Bull |
| 06.28.04 (4:51 pm) [edit] |
I have just narrowly escaped being cornered by a bull of the two-legged variety. I don't hate this person, but I do not hold him in high regard either. I think he is a confused soul and simply does not know how to treat people. He is in for a rude awakening. However, I'm not the one to give it to him. So for today, he remains completele unaware of his affect on people. He has never been known to be humble, gracious or genteel. Most times he is loud and abrasive. You know how sand-paper feels when you rub it against your skin? That's how my ears feel whenever he talks to me. He only knows one speed - the 5th gear. He only knows one way of getting things done - by brute force. He has been known to hammer a square peg into a round hole a few times. There is a vulnerable side to him, of that I am sure. Still, he surges forward full steam ahead plowing over friendships and feelings. I cannot paint him any clearer than that.
Anyway, on this particular day I was waiting for the elevator to arrive on my floor so I could get to the mail room. Suddenly, I hear singing and whistling coming from the elevator as it rises to my floor. It's him - the Singing Bull - singing some show tune at top volume in a voice that could be described as cats-f**king meets nails-on-a-chalkboard. I have seconds to decide whether or not I want to stand my ground and be in his path as he gets off the elevator, or worst of all worsts, ride down with him on the elevator. The voice in my head yelled an emphatic "HELL NO!"
So I ran from the elevator and hid around the corner like a frickin' coward because I hate confrontations and I was not feeling particularly brave. I listened as he exited the elevator, butchering the theme to Ally McBeal and walked towards his office. I waited until I heard him unlock his office door and close it behind him. Phew! Then I turned the corner and pressed the button for the elevator. To my disgust, it had gone to another floor. As I waited I glanced over at his office door. Nothing. I could hear the elevator starting to make it's way back up to my floor. I was feeling relieved when I heard a noise coming from his office.
Suddenly, I saw his door knob turn. SHIT! He's coming back. I looked at the elevator. It had arrived on my floor. His door opened. The elevator doors opened. I saw him at the corner of my eye. HE'S SEEN ME. He looked pissed off about something. SHIT! As I could see my name form on his lips I stepped into the elevator. NATXXXX. I could hear foot steps approaching. My heart was pounding. The elevator doors closed and the elevator began to descend. I gasped a sigh of relief. I hadn't experienced this feeling of dread since being bullied in high school.
|
|
2 Comments
|
| |
| Drought |
| 06.28.04 (3:17 pm) [edit] |
One tennis commentator asked "When does a drought become a desert?"
For a long time Tim Henman has carried the burden of being Britian's greatest hope at Wimbledon glory. Must be tough living under all that pressure. Whether I succeed or I screw up, no one hears about it and no one cares (well, except for me).
|
|
7 Comments
|
| |
| Palm Reading |
| 06.28.04 (3:14 pm) [edit] |
Ms. Smith was shocked at the fortune-teller's accuracy.
|
|
3 Comments
|
| |
| What I like about you |
| 06.26.04 (5:29 pm) [edit] |
To Kaptain Kwurk who is the dog's bollocks.
You're different but not so far out that I can't reach you.
You're brilliant but you never go over my head.
You're charming but you never force the issue.
You're a mischievous prankster but never mean or cruel. (Well, only to the deserving)
You're generous and thoughtful but you're no St. Francis.
There's a welcome in your eyes and a wisdom in your words.
You're magic and you don't even know it.
That's what I like about you.
|
|
2 Comments
|
| |
| The Bush War |
| 06.25.04 (10:27 am) [edit] |
After learning that there were thieves stealing acorns and nuts in the bushes of Nattingham Forest, troops were deployed to restore order.
![]() =http://img38.photobucket.com/...
Some of the residents of Nattingham Forest did not appreciate the troops entering their territory and took up arms themselves.
![]() =http://img38.photobucket.com/...
The war escalated and soon Nattingham Forest was burning. No one was safe.
![]() =http://img38.photobucket.com/...
Super Squirrel had seen enough and decided to get involved to restore peace in the bushes of Nattingham Forest.
![]() =http://img38.photobucket.com/...
Unfortunately Super Squirrel got run over by a gas-guzzling SUV on his way to Nattingham Forest. So the war rages on.
Photos courtesy of Mal and AE. I have no idea where they got them so :P
|
|
8 Comments
|
| |
| Colin the Great |
| 06.23.04 (2:21 pm) [edit] |
Tbloggers forgive me. It has been 3 weeks since my last lecherous post. This came to me courtesy of AE (you saucy minx).
Colin Farrell, who recently rapped up filming the epic Alexander, reportedly has a large tool. Frankly, I'm not too surprised. I think this might explain Colin's wild and reckless behavior. I mean, if a man's second brain is that large, how is he expected to keep to the straight and narrow. Colin's third leg is so large that scenes displaying him in full-frontal glory had to be edited from his up-coming film A Home At The End Of The World. Apparently, test audiences over-reacted to the viewing and were unable to concentrate on the storyline. For more on this click here. Clearly, the Sun has done all it's fact-checking for this BIG story. Sorry to say, there are no pictures.
Anonymous comment on story: “I always read he ‘was an enormous prick,’ but now I’m wondering if those were just typos.”
|
|
3 Comments
|
| |
| Ever wonder why they do that? |
| 06.23.04 (11:47 am) [edit] |
I have....
Today at the All-England Club
![]() =http://img38.photobucket.com/...
Cop a feel
![]() =http://img38.photobucket.com/...
|
|
4 Comments
|
| |
| Poll |
| 06.22.04 (3:31 pm) [edit] |
Just found out one of my professors is a devout Dallas Cowboys and Boston Red Sox fan. He was wearing a Cowboys' tie when I met with him. He says his tie has evoked a lot of strong emotions. Inspired by the Craigster, I decided to have a poll of my own. Hope you don't mind, Craig.
Do you hate the NY Yankees?
a. Yes. F@#$$$$^&* !@#$%%#&*@@#(**$#^&(#@@^$ $**(@$#$$$ and a bowl of worms.
b. No. Da Yankees rule!!
c. No. I couldn't care less, so long as [insert your team] beats their ass.
d. Yankees? You mean them folks up north?
|
|
13 Comments
|
| |
| Kid-gloves |
| 06.22.04 (12:04 pm) [edit] |
Sometimes my Mom treats me like a child and then sometimes she respects me as an adult. Sunday she asked me to help her with a quote for her acceptance speech. Then yesterday, I learned from my brother that she had my doggie, Murphy, put to sleep two months ago but decided not to tell me because she thought I was too stressed out at the time. I mean, how long did she plan to keep it at secret? 'Til I got home and noticed the empty dog house.
Murphy was a rebel. In fact, that was her first name before we got her at 3 months old and my Dad decided to change it. The first thing she did when we got her was to bite and rip my mother's sandals off her feet while she was seated at the dinner table. Then she got in the habit of ripping the linen off the clothesline and rolling in it. She was very easy to train, though. She learned to sit and stay faster than any of our other dogs. She also trained us to feed her on time, else she would start chewing on the furniture. Murphy didn't have a tail. She had a tiny stump that would wriggle when she was happy. Oh well.
Mitch is our new dog. I haven't really bonded with her. She's not as friendly as Murphy and in fact she hated Murphy. She's also a bit of a snob and will only eat a certain brand of dog food. Oh well.
|
|
10 Comments
|
| |
| By Hand |
| 06.22.04 (11:23 am) [edit] |
More random sketches from the untrained hand.
Catty
![]() =http://img38.photobucket.com/...
Addition
![]() =http://img38.photobucket.com/...
|
|
5 Comments
|
| |
| I am not a Cartoonist |
| 06.21.04 (12:36 pm) [edit] |
Nor am I in anyway talented at sketching. I like to doodle when I am stressed or bored. Last night, while waiting for the 4th season of Coupling to air (it has sucked so far with a few bright moments), I took a pencil to paper and drew the first things that came to my mind.
Saved
![]() =http://img38.photobucket.com/...
First Night
![]() =http://img38.photobucket.com/...
|
|
11 Comments
|
| |
| A Matter of Seconds |
| 06.20.04 (5:24 pm) [edit] |
My skin is covered in gooseflesh and I feel numb. Two hours ago, I left my apartment to go to the grocery store. As I locked the door, I realized I had forgotten my sunglasses. I unlocked the door and went back inside to get them and then headed out again. The turn around took about 20 seconds. As I made my way towards the intersection I had to cross to get to the store, I heard a loud crash looked up and heard another loud crash. A sedan had tried to cross the intersection and a Jeep plowed into the side of it. The sedan then rebounded on to the sidewalk into the street sign at the exact spot I would have been standing waiting for the light to change if I had not gone back inside my apartment to get my sunglasses.
Finally, both cars came to a rest. The Jeep stopped across the street in one corner and the sedan remained on the sidewalk parked over the street sign. I was in a daze, I found myself walking forward, not really aware of where exactly I was headed or what I was doing. I saw the sedan. It was now shaped like a C. The entire passenger side, front and back, was crushed. Fortunately, the driver was alone in the car. I have no doubt in my mind that no passenger could have survived that hit. The passenger side was gone. Just gone. I heard a siren. There's a medical center a block down the road from me. EMS was on their way. I blinked. Suddenly, I found myself in front of the grocery store. I'm not sure how I got there. I guess I just kept walking. All I could think about was those 20 seconds at my apartment. How I'd bitched to myself that I should have just gone without my sunglasses and how I was a complete wimp about the sun.
I walked through the aisles of the store with a perplexed look on my face. I looked at all the people and thought "Do they know how fragile life is?" I found myself in front of the yogurt in the dairy aisle and realized I was hyperventilating. People eyed me with curiosity. I took a deep breath and headed to check out. At the check out stand was a black and white scandal rag - Star Magazine. The headline - "Dick Cheney is a Robot like in The Stepford Wives: when he goes to get his heart checked it's to get his circuits reconfigured". I found myself laughing out loud hysterically. I had to try really hard to stop. Again, people eyed me curiously. I guess, I needed something to relieve the tension.
I have no doubt in my heart that there is a God.
|
|
10 Comments
|
| |
| Some day my prince will come... |
| 06.20.04 (11:51 am) [edit] |
...He'll carry me over the threshold straight into the kitchen, put a spatula in my hand, tie an apron around my waste and say "Make me something to eat while the footie is on."
...And I'll make him my specialty...but not before hiding the Pepto-Bismal.
|
|
0 Comments
|
| |
| Cranial Pressure |
| 06.19.04 (11:34 am) [edit] |
About two to three times a year I get a serious migraine. I get smaller low-grade ones more often. Actually, I'm having a low-grade one as I type this. How do I describe it without using the phrase "hell on earth"? I use to think that if I caught the warning signs I could prevent a low-grade migraine from getting out of control. So far, I have a 50% success rate.
When my migraine is starting my eyes will be incredibly focused, my senses heightened. I can smell the soap on the neck of someone sitting across the room. I can hear the toilet flush two stories below. My vision is so clear and crisp and then suddenly I will see these large spots of at the corners of my eyes. If I try to look sideways, I'll see tiny little fireworks. The smell of soap on that guy's neck is beginning to make me queasy. Then my peripheral vision is suddenly gone and it's like I'm seeing the world through binoculars.
At this point I have 5-10 minutes to take painkillers, drink a glass of water and lock myself in a dark room devoid of sound and smells before the migraine goes into hyperdrive. Sometimes it's just not convenient to stop what I'm doing and turn the world off. Sometimes I have no choice but to sit there and wait for what feels like a 90 foot wave to crash down on me.
If I miss the window, the spasms begin. Every blood vessel in my head decides to do the rumba. Boom ba da da boom ba da da boom ba ba da doom. My brain feels like it's trying to bang it's way out from my skull. Boom ba da da boom ba da da boom ba ba da doom. Meanwhile my skull feels like it's shrinking. Boom ba da da boom ba da da boom ba ba da doom. I begin to fantasize about taking a hack-saw or drill to my head to relieve the pressure. Boom ba da da boom ba da da boom ba ba da doom. Everything I have eaten in the past 8 hours starts to climb back up. Boom ba da da boom ba da da boom ba ba da doom. WOOOSH!!! If I've managed to resist the urge to throw up, I've added 3 more hours to my migraine. If I give in, I may be able to salvage the day.
I've seen the commercials for Imitrex and I've tried it. They make it sound like the cure all. Truth is, it only works on a fraction of migraines. I don't think doctors really understand migraines that well.
Lastnight, I had a low-grade migraine while viewing Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. The irony was overwhelming. Charlie Kaufman is f**ked up, but Charlie Kaufman with migraine uber-f**ked up. Great movie and I felt every second of it. By the time I got home, I had missed my window by 45 minutes. I climbed in bed just as the first wave crashed on my "beach head". I think I managed to get 2 minutes of sleep in 12 hours.
|
|
7 Comments
|
| |
| Spaminator 3: Rise of the Machines |
| 06.18.04 (12:42 pm) [edit] |
As a society we have become increasingly dependent on machines. Spam is just one of the annoying by-products of the computer age. This piece of spam was most recently sent to me by my brother, Bud. I say most recently, because I have seen these images before all or some in the body of countless emails. And now for something completely useless:
![]() =http://img38.photobucket.com/...
![]() =http://img38.photobucket.com/...
![]() =http://img38.photobucket.com/...
![]() =http://img38.photobucket.com/...
![]() =http://img38.photobucket.com/...
![]() =http://img38.photobucket.com/...
![]() =http://img38.photobucket.com/...
|
|
5 Comments
|
| |
| Gettin' Jiggy with The Unicorns |
| 06.18.04 (12:03 pm) [edit] |
Will Smith invented the word and recently I found myself using it to the astonishment of no one but myself. What exactly does jiggy mean anyway? This courtesy of UrbanDictionary.com:
1) down with
2) having sex or messing around with
3) exclamation that means "Sweet!" or "Tiiiiiight!"
4) all right
1) "Gettin' jiggy wit it...na na na na na na na!"
or "Yeah, I'm jiggy wit that."
2) "I got jiggy wit your mom last night."
3) "Gator boots with the pimped-out Gucci suit." "JIGGY!"
4) "You aiight? Everything jiggy over here?"
Taking something to next level over just being cool. Also used as an adjective, associating cool the word it modifies.
Anyway, Giantsfan, my much put upon officemate, has been playing his Unicorn CD Who will cut our hair when we're gone?. I have to say, I like it. It makes me feel melancholy in a churpy sort of way. Does that make any sense? Just as I was getting into the Unicorns and thinking I might buy the CD for myself, Giantsfan decides to throw in a change up and puts on Wilco's Yankee Hotel Foxtrot , which makes me feel happy in a suicidal sort of way. I'm sure that makes even less sense.
Last night, I watched the first 8 episodes (yes, I said 8 - now you understand why my DVD player died after 9 months) of Smallville's second season. I cannot recommend the series enough. It's not your typical teen-family drama and the writing is so much better than expected. Tonight is Monty Python night. I will be watching Holy Grail, so if you're in the mood, come on over. I promise to vacuum.
|
|
1 Comments
|
| |
| Crap Head |
| 06.17.04 (11:49 am) [edit] |
They say that a bird crapping on your head is good luck. Well, a bird crapped on my head yesterday on the way home and I did not get lucky. Just out of curiosity, who are they anyway, and why do they keep saying these things like "bad is never good until worse happens"? I suspect that these are the same people who say that stepping in dog poo brings good luck. Could it just be that they say these things to pacify us, to stop us from whining on and on for days on end about the crap that's befallen us? I don't know. I dare not go against they who say these things. Surely, that would bring me bad luck.
![]() =http://img38.photobucket.com/...
|
|
10 Comments
|
| |
| On the Drag |
| 06.16.04 (3:14 pm) [edit] |
I went to The Drag (a.k.a Guadelupe) to do some business just now. As I was making my way along the sidewalk, I came across a group of lively men. They seemed homeless or like they hadn't washed up in a while. As I came along side them, the best-dressed of the group approached me. His blonde hair and pale skin appeared to be darkened by a few layers of dirt. Under his fingernails were black. He appeared to be removing a sticker of some sort from it's backing.
"Howdy, Ma'am. I'm collecting money for the church."
"Church?" I looked at him, confused. I then realized that were standing in front of a church.
"We're collecting money for the Church of Malt Liquor."
I rolled my eyes and walked away from them. As I left, one of the guys sitting on the church steps yelled at me.
"Only you have the power to prevent sobriety!"
I make it a habit never to give money to guys like that precisely because I am afraid they will spend it all on liquor or drugs. I prefer to give money to the shelters. Well, at least they were honest.
![]() =http://img38.photobucket.com/...
|
|
13 Comments
|
| |
| Yellow |
| 06.16.04 (1:13 pm) [edit] |
I decided to wear a yellow tee today. It's not my favorite color to wear. I more of a perriwinkle blue kind of person. I think one of the reason's I'm not so fond of yellow is the jarring effect it has on you when you first see it. Your first thought is "Wow, that's bright!". Anyway, today is Yellow Day on Natblog. Yellow good, yellow bad. Yellow boo boo, yellow sad.
Yellow Good
Wear yellow, live strong - Lance Armstrong's and Nike's charity fundraiser for young people with cancer. The initiative was launched on May 17th of this year. $1 dollar gets you a yellow wristband with Mr. Armstrong's mantra - Live Strong. "Young people with cancer should be empowered to fight hard, dream big and live strong," said Armstrong. For more information click here. Next month Mr. Armstrong goes for his record 6th Tour de France title.
Yellow Bad
Yellow bellied man takes a foul ball from a 4 year old boy at a Texas Ranger's game, knocking over the child in the process. Fans protested but the man kept the foul ball and left the game early. Cardinals outfielder Reggie Sanders came out between innings to give the little boy a bat and ball. The youngster was given two bats and four baseballs, including one signed by Hall of Fame pitcher Nolan Ryan, a former Ranger.
Yellow Booboo
Just thought I'd give you a Missi Jackson update. She's recovering nicely from her showdown with the coffee table. Today she showed me her bruises and the one on her chest is a bright shade of yellow. All I could say was "YOWZA! OUCH!"
Yellow Sad
It is with deepest sadness in our hearts that we announce the passing of Panasonic DVD-S35K, affectionately known as "the DVD player". Panasonic DVD-S35K was purchased on September 22, 2003 and was used 2 to 3 times a week and brought much pleasure to one and all who knew her/him/it (Panasonic DVD-S35K's gender was never disclosed for personal reasons). Late on the evening of June 14th, 2004, Panasonic DVD-S35K went into a coma leaving a bewildered owner half-way through her first screening of Mystic River. A call to the DVD Emergency Room (i.e. Panasonic Customer Service) revealed that even though "playa" as he/she/it was often called was under warranty for parts, labor would cost as much as a new DVD player. So playa's owner decided to pull the plug and the yellow digits on the LCD display disappeared forever. Late on the evening of June 15th, 2004, Panasonic DVD-S35K was laid to rest on top of a pile of newspapers and old magazines scheduled for disposal. The family asks that you honor the deceased by not purchasing a Panasonic DVD playesr until the company has corrected the H01 and H07 error defect found on some DVD players.
|
|
4 Comments
|
| |
| Don't know why you haven't come |
| 06.15.04 (1:40 pm) [edit] |
I'm sitting here, waiting for you to make me smile,
Make me laugh, make me spit coffee on my keyboard.
Are you busy, are you bored, are you hiding from me?
It's rare for me to find someone so interesting.
It's rare for me to get excited like this.
But here I am sitting, waiting for you to say hello.
Don't keep me waiting too long if you care.
I won't give up, I'll be patiently sitting here.
I'll make like everything's cool, til I hear it from you.
|
|
7 Comments
|
| |
| Low-Carb Yogurt |
| 06.14.04 (1:42 pm) [edit] |
I love yogurt. It's light and creamy, a great source of calcium and unlike ice-cream, it doesn't send me to the loo doubled over with cramps. So I try to eat yogurt at least once a day. Lately every food producer on the planet is coming out with low carb versions of their food - even Ben & Jerry's. C'mon, when I eat Ben & Jerry's it's because I want to be bad and totally blow my diet out the whazooo. Part of the fun of it is that you're being naughty. Now the fantastic duo has come out with a low-carb version of their delightful ice-cream. Well, it's not really low-carb. I mean you'd blow your Atkins induction daily allotment of carbs on it, it's just low-carb relative to the regular ice-cream. Even, diet staples like Dannon and Yoplait have low-carb yogurts, which brings me to the subject of this blog.
I decided out of sheer boredom and child-like curiosity to find out which low-carb yogurt tastes the best. I bought several flavors of each brand - peaches n cream, strawberry n cream and rasberry n cream. I ate Dannon in the morning and Yoplait in the afternoon, recording my feelings and thoughts. I kept a spit bucket near by just in case. It turned out to be unnecessary as my threshold for pain and discomfort seems to have been raised over the years. Life's a bitch.
Nutritional Facts: Yoplait® Ultra™ has 8g of carbs, 5g of fat and 90 calories per 6 oz serving. Dannon® Light 'n Fit® Carb Control™ has 3g of carbs, 3g of fat and 60 calories per 4oz serving.
Texture: Dannon is creamier and lighter on the tongue. Yoplait is a tad gritty and custardy
Fruityness: Dead heat
Tartness: Dead heat
Overall taste: Yoplait is yucky and the taste is watered-down to the point where it's just not worth it. Dannon tastes a lot closer to it's regular full-carb variety but still tastes awfully synthetic. I've always wondered what it was like to eat Robocop's poop and now I think I know.
So my conclusion is that if you are really into this low-carb stuff to the point where you are willing to sacrifice pleasure and all else that makes us human then Dannon is the low-carb yogurt for you. If you ask me, it might be easier to just stick your head in an oven.
Never fear, I'm not about to name Dannon the official calcium source of Natblog.
|
|
4 Comments
|
| |
| Tag! You're it. |
| 06.14.04 (10:37 am) [edit] |
I had a so-so weekend. It started off well. On Friday night, Missi Jackson and I went to the Paramount on Congress to see a Frank Capra double-feature - Mr. Smith Goes to Washington and Mr. Deeds Goes to Town. Good old-fashioned fun. Talk about sticking to the fish-out-of-water David-v-Goliath formula. I had also forgotten how handsome Gary Cooper was, not that Jimmy Stewart was bad either. Missi and I considered the evening a steal - $4.75 for two films and the ambience of an old-school theater.
Saturday went by filled with mundane chores of grocery shopping, laundry, vacuuming, being put on hold for 40 minutes by Guthy-Renker when I tried to cancel my subscription, meat-tenderizing, mystery-novel-reading, couch-potatoing and toe-clipping.
On Sunday I finished the rest of my mammoth laundry and went to evening service. They make you wear name tags at evening service which makes life so much easier for me. I never forget a face, but a name, eh. After service I went to the grocery store and the cashier's name was Johnny, so I said "Hi Johnny."
"Hi Nat****," he responded.
I was dumbfounded. How did he know my name? Then I realized I was still wearing the bloody name-tag. I was mortified. I'd been walking around getting strange looks from people all over the place and now I knew why. Oh well. I like my name. I should wear it with pride.
When I got home Missi Jackson called to say she'd had an accident and was in pain. I felt awful. Wish I had a car so I could have driven her to the hospital. She apparently tripped over a phone cord and the coffee table broke her fall. She said there were teeth marks in the coffee table but fortunately her teeth were all in tact. She insisted that she didn't want to go to the ER or anything like that, took some Tylenol and said she'd see how she feels in the morning. I'll keep you updated.
|
|
10 Comments
|
| |
| I believe in love |
| 06.11.04 (4:35 pm) [edit] |
lycra and spandex, sunday brunch, clotted cream, ATM machines, rum cream, Mystery Science Theater, Woolite, The History Channel, tube socks, cinnamon gum, Mountain Dew, grandma-style cotton panties, wool blankets, cactus margaritas, Alfred Hitchcock, nail polish, minute-rice, orchids, navel-sucking, pilates, puppies, Jon Stewart, quilts, legal pads.....
|
|
9 Comments
|
| |
| Fried Spam, Boiled Spam, Steamed Spam, Pickled Spam, Curried Spam.... |
| 06.10.04 (11:50 am) [edit] |
I hate spam but I can never seem to avoid it. Here's an email sent to me by my cousin, my brother and then my mother all in the space of 3 hours.
30 Years Difference
1974: Long hair
2004: Longing for hair
1974: The perfect high
2004: The perfect high yield mutual fund
1974: KEG
2004: EKG
1974: Acid rock
2004: Acid reflux
1974: Moving to California because it's cool
2004: Moving to California because it's warm
1974: Growing pot
2004: Growing pot belly
1974: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2004: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1974: Seeds and stems
2004: Roughage
1974: Killer weed
2004: Weed killer
1974: Hoping for a BMW
2004: Hoping for a BM
1974: The Grateful Dead
2004: Dr. Kevorkian
1974: Going to a new, hip joint
2004: Receiving a new hip joint
1974: Rolling Stones
2004: Kidney Stones
1974: Being called into the principal's office
2004: Calling the principal's office
1974: Screw the system
2004: Upgrade the system
1974: Disco
2004: Costco
1974: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2004: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1974: Passing the driver's test
2004: Passing the vision test
Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will
certainly change things :
The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1986. They are too young to remember the Challenger space shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
The CD was introduced the year they were born.
They have always had an answering machine.
They have always had cable.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are!
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane Boss, de plane".
They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
|
|
12 Comments
|
| |
| Look into my eyes |
| 06.10.04 (9:57 am) [edit] |
You are getting very sleepy. Very sleepy. Your eyelids are getting heavy. But not too heavy for you to stop reading this. When I count to 3 you will be completely under my control. One. Two. Three.
I am Hypno Monkey and you are my very special friends. You love me. You want to make me happy. You want to give as much as you can to me. I will be very grateful to you. Please send a check or money order of no less than $20 to "Nat's Shelter for Homeless Designer Shoes, P.O. Box 1234, Austin TX 78###-1234". Remember, Simon says to give generously. Now go back to what you were doing and forget that you ever saw me.
|
|
10 Comments
|
| |
| I could never go on without you |
| 06.09.04 (10:57 am) [edit] |
You are the seal that keeps my madness from flowing out into the open
You cannot be denied.
I want to wrap my lips around you and consume you to the core.
You must be mine.
I am of course speaking of my love for peanut butter. Peanut butter calms me, makes me happy and makes my tongue stick to the roof of my mouth preventing me from saying something incredibly stupid (albeit to myself in my lonely apartment).
Well, the truth is, peanut butter makes me feel all warm inside.
Don't get me wrong.
Peanut butter doesn't make me positively orgasmic or the like.
It just helps me to deal.
Hey! Stop looking at me like that. There is no need to send my friends over and call for an intervention. I can quit whenever I want to. I just don't want to.
Brown and creamy or crunchy if you're in the mood for it.
|
|
7 Comments
|
| |
| Schools Out |
| 06.09.04 (10:11 am) [edit] |
The Powers that be at the University are closing down the place on Friday to acknowledge the National Day of Mourning for the death of Ronald Reagan. Not sure how I feel about this. I mean, I'm glad for the day off and all but...
Now they want to put Reagan on the $10 bill. Yeah, ok. I know he was much loved and very popular but... I dunno...not my country...none of my business.
I come from a culture where we never speak ill of the dead. So I'm not too thrilled with the Reagan-bashing I have witnessed in the past few days. At the same time, when my Dad died I never went around telling people he was a saint and all. It all seems like too much. I know people are in mourning and many have warm feelings toward this man but was he great or greater than great. I dunno...like I said, not my country so none of my business.
|
|
11 Comments
|
| |
| South Loop |
| 06.08.04 (5:38 pm) [edit] |
Austin, Waco, Dallas, Texarkana, Arkadelphia, Little Rock, Memphis, Nashville, Cookesville, Knoxville, Ashville, Charlotte, Spartansburg, Atlanta, Birmingham, Tuscaloosa, Meridian, Jackson, Vicksberg, Shreveport, Tyler, Waco, Austin. I might have missed out a few more minor cities on the way. Over 2500 miles in 5 days, and I road shotgun the whole way. I felt terribly guilty at the end. Missi Jackson was so tired and I know her back was aching. Frankly, I don't think I could have handled the stick-shift especially during the many construction and weather conditions but I coulda-woulda-shoulda done something. It was fun.
![]() =http://img38.photobucket.com/...
A few highlights:
Books on Tape and Cracker Barrel - The Official Restaurant of Nat's Future Road Trips. There's a Cracker Barrel every 20 miles on the interstates throughout the south and books on tape can make a 12 hour journey feel like a day at the drive-in. Plus you don't find yourself having to come up with interesting things to talk about when you're in the middle of nowhere with no decent radio stations.
Passing through the Smokies and the Blue Ridge Mountains was awesome. Just so scenic and my ears popped the whole time. I remember as we were descending seeing all these stations for the trucks to stop and cool their brakes. Further on we say "runaway truck ramps", 3 in succession. I guess it was that steep. Nice to know the trucks have somewhere to go. You feel sorrow though for truck # 4 if he loses control. He has to choose between plowing into the back of another truck or going off a cliff.
I lost $20 at a casino in Vicksburg, MS - my first venture into a casino. Probably not my last.
In Jackson, MS, we stopped at Missi's alma mater and ate at one of her old haunts from her sorority days. She was beaming and in her element. She was a little peeved though to discover that her old school had removed her favorite smoking bench and replaced it with a statue of Gandhi. Oh well.
By far, Tennessee has the best public restrooms. The Ladies' room at the rest stops there were clean and modern. By far, the Sonic in Tyler, TX has the filthiest bathroom - flies on the seat trying to make their way through the build up of "stuff" on the seats. Lovely.
The main highlight of the trip of course was the wedding in Charlotte, NC. It was the first time I'd seen the bride in make up and she looked fabulous. The best word I can use to describe the wedding was seamless. Service started on time at 11:00 am and we were out of the church at 11:25 am. The reception was at noon at the this golf resort. I was tipsy by 12:45pm but still not tipsy enough to make a complete ass of myself. Why is it that where ever I go someone from the waitstaff starts flirting with me. Don't remember his name but he kept insisting that I use his drink station exclusively. He kept raising his eyebrows at me and licking his lips. Wink wink nudge nudge and the only thing more obvious would have been a neon sign saying "bend over and hold your ankles."
The wedding was moving along so well until we got to the speeches. The bride's brother had me on the verge of tears but I managed to maintain my composure. Then the groom's brother spoke. He was funny and light but towards the end he got all mushy, his voice cracked, he held the mic away from his as he composed himself. He ended with a tearful tribute. Yours truly was eying the exit. I didn't want certain people to see me crying, plus my mascara was not waterproof. Anybody going to a wedding will tell you, water-proof mascara is a must. I was joined in the ladies' room by 3 equally sappy souls. I hate to see a grown man cry.
I don't remember at what point we were summoned unto the dance floor to catch the bouquet, I just remember Missi Jackson telling me to get up and to stop hiding under the table. So there I was in the front in the middle. The photographer told us that it would be bad luck if we let the bouquet touch the ground and for some reason that thought stuck with me. "Mustn't let it touch the ground." The photographer yelled to the bride to toss it. Suddenly, everything went really quiet. All I could see was the bouquet. I felt someone behind me push me forward. Everyone else beside me seemed to step back in unison as if to say "Hell no I ain't catching that damned thing!" Mustn't let it touch the ground. I lunged forward and caught the bouquet to the surprise of a few people. I only knew a handful of folks at the wedding. I posed for a photo with the bride and went back to my table to sit. They were all shaking their heads at me. What have I done?
Overall, I'd do it again. Next time, I might even get behind the wheel.
|
|
5 Comments
|
| |
| I'm Back |
| 06.07.04 (9:52 pm) [edit] |
Exhausted. Butt sore. Can't feel my legs.
No, get your mind out of the gutter. I'm home safe and sound from a 5 day road trip through the South thanks to the Fast One who will be from now on refered to as "Missi Jackson" because of her love for Jackson, Mississipi.
Will give you more details tomorrow after a good nights sleep.
Mañana!
Oh, forgot to add...as if I needed to feel even more like a loser, I caught the bride's bouquet at the wedding. Everyone came up and and asked me if I was seeing anyone. When I said no, the reactions ranged from pity to "what the f**k were you doing up there in front catching the bouquet?"
|
|
9 Comments
|
| |
| Movie Review - Troy |
| 06.02.04 (4:05 pm) [edit] |
After speaking with Giantsfan, I realized that I hadn't really given my two cents about this summer flick. You have all heard me gush about Eric Bana. You have also heard me diss Brad Pitt as a man I like only slightly more than Tom Cruise, which is not saying alot. So please take my comments with a grain of salt.
What I liked about Troy:
Besides the obvious sweaty men in skirts bit, the movie had a lot of good features (and I don't mean the unnecessary shots of Brad's backside). The ensemble of actors was first-rate: Brian Cox (Agammenon), Sean Bean (Odysseus), Peter O'Toole (King Priam), Saffron Burrows along with the three men getting lead billing - the insufferably androgenous Orlando Bloom, pretty-boy Brad Pitt, and man-for-all-reasons Eric Bana. Brian Cox does greedy, deceitful and evil like no other. Sean Bean is so easy to love as a gentleman warrior. Peter O'Toole puts them all to shame. While I felt the battle sequences did not break new ground in terms of epic warfare, the battle between Hector and Achilles had me on the edge of my seat with my heart in my mouth, even though I knew how it would end.
What I disliked about Troy:
In this film the war doesn't exactly last 10 years. Felt like less than 10 days but no writer ever let History get in the way of a good Blockbuster. This really doesn't take away from the quality of the film much. Another bit that I felt was watered down was the relationship between Patroclus and Achilles. Come on people. It's 2004! It's perfectly okay for the most fiersome warrior in Greece to be gay or bisexual. It's really not a stretch for me to see Brad Pitt being in love with another man. I think it would have added more meaning and depth to his anger and dispair at Patroclus's death. Braddy-Brad's agent must have a "no-gay-character" clause in his contract. Orlando Bloom plays Legolas from Lord of the Rings, minus the long blonde locks, minus the blue eyes, minus the courage. He really stretched his bow for this role.
The one thing that stayed with me from this film: Men should wear skirts more often.
|
|
5 Comments
|
| |
| Road Trip |
| 06.02.04 (3:23 pm) [edit] |
Tomorrow, the Fast One and I head off on a long road trip to Charlotte, North Carolina to attend a friend's wedding. It's a really long drive and I feel awful that I'm not comfortable enough to drive stick-shift. I'd like to help out but the Fast One insists that she loves driving and so not to feel too guilty. We went to the grocery store today and stocked up on caffeinated beverages. Still, we've planned it so that she'll get a good night's sleep each day we are gone. I'm really excited because we will be going through Memphis, Tennessee and some other cities I have never seen. We could've driven through Lousiana, in fact it would have been a tad shorter but the Fast One has friends in Memphis so we're guarranteed free room and board.
Unfortunately this road trip means that I will be absent from tblog for a few days. Try to hold back the tears. Don't you worry though. If anything interesting happens, including encounters with a nude Eric Bana, I will be sure to report it all to you upon my return. Ahh, another younger friend gets married. Thoughts of suicide are not far behind. One small mercy though. At least I am not a bridesmaid.
|
|
9 Comments
|
| |
| The heat is on... |
| 06.01.04 (2:13 pm) [edit] |
96 degrees in the shade. Real hot, in the shade.
My cheap flip-flops got stuck on a hot storm drain as I waited to cross the street. It's time to fry eggs on the sidewalks again.
I've decided that I am only going outside when I absolutely have to which means I will be stuck in "the garden shed" for most of the summer.
For all of you out there trying to stay cool - drink lots of water - remember that dehydration is a soldier's worst enemy.
|
|
10 Comments
|
| |
|
Ayn Rant: AESav.net
Daft and Demented: Mal Uncensored
Captain Jack Sparrow
Shop DangerKitty on Zazzle.com
|
