Discuss the show at Neptune Central

First, I would like to make this abundantly clear - I AM NO FAN OF ASHLEE SIMPSON!

Still, I must ask the question. Is it really necessary to start an online petition for the demise of her career and celebrity? The people who have signed the Stop Ashlee Simpson petition seem to think so. Over 14,000 have signed up in disgust.

Yes, she's not the most talented. Yes, she sounds like a cat with it's tail caught in a paper shredder when she sings live and nothing like on her CD which isn't much of an improvement. Yes, I'd rather have my eyes poked with a hot iron and eat ass-lint than purchase one of her CDs. Yet, I would not sign an online petition against her.

Why, you ask?

I have my reasons:

A) Starting and signing a petition gives her more publicity.

B) There are more important causes that warrant my signature, like granting Major Richard D. Winters a Congressional Medal of Honor.

C) Her career will die on it's own. It's called evolution people!! If she's really all hype and no talent, then the world will chew her up and pass her out the other end in due time. Why not let nature take its course?

The Ashlee Simpsons of this world deserve our pity. Imagine being told your whole life that you're really something special, believing it and then discovering publicly that you're not so special after all (well, to anybody besides friends and family). Ashlee is discovering, if she doesn't know it already, that she sucks. Don't sign her off and don't shed tears for her either. The best you can do is just ignore her, and put her CD out for recycling.

Everybody and their drunken uncle seems to be coming out with top ten lists of all sorts of stuff so I am throwing my hat into the mix. Before I start I must deliver some sad pop-culture news - Brad and Jen have decided to separate. Who gives a fart? Not I.

Top Ten Movies I Have Seen*:

1. Miracle - Awesome!! Kurt Russell and the gang made me proud to be an American and I'm not one according to the INS.

2. Sideways - so good. Personally, I prefer Texas' Messina Hof.

3. Shaun of the Dead - Simon Pegg is in my mail, Simon Pegg, Simon Pegg, Simon Pegg is in my maaaaaaaaaaail! SIMON PEGG! Not to be confused with another good 2004 flick "Dawn of the Dead".

4. The Incredibles - FUN FUN FUN FUN. Better than Shrek (and Shrek 2)

5. The Bourne Supremacy - the most unbelievable car chase sequence I've seen in years. Matt Damon is hottt! Ben who?

6. Garden State

7. National Treasure - there were serious plotholes but I had a good time and so did my Mommy and that rarely happens.

8. Farhenheit 9/11

9. Team America: World Police

10. The Manchurian Candidate - I need my annual dose of Denzel. I will not apologize.

Honorable Mention: Spiderman 2, Kill Bill Vol 2, I Heart Huckabees, Spanglish, Hotel Rwanda and After Sunset.

Top Ten Shows I've Watched**

1. 24 (Fox)

2. C.S.I. (CBS)

3. Veronica Mars (UPN, New)

4. The O.C. (Fox)

5. Nip/Tuck (FX)

6. Desperate Housewives (ABC)

7. Survivor (CBS)

8. Gilmore Girls (The WB)

9. Medical Investigation (NBC, New)

10. Jack and Bobby (The WB, New)

Honorable Mention:Amazing Race, Cold Case, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, and What Not To Wear.

Top Ten Poster Men of 2004:

1. Clive Owen - recovered from King Arthur to put in a Golden Globe nominating performance in Closer, plus he's hot.

2.  Eric Bana - one of two reasons I suffered through Troy, the other being seeing Brad Pitt die.

3. Jamie Foxx - what a huge year with Ray and Collateral

4. Johnny Depp - Mal knows

5. Peter Jennings - last (anchor)man standing

6. The entire Boston Red Sox line-up

7. Matt Damon

8. Bono - um, yeah...that I-Pod ad gave me... Vertigo.

9. Colin Farrell - despite peeing on people in bars while on location for Alexander, he's still more interesting than Jude Law.

10. Jude Law - only because he has worked so hard to get my attention. However, a seventh film in 2004 would not have moved him up the rankings. Hey Jude...Nah nah nah nananana....Hey Jude! 

*I have not seen Sky Captain, Finding Neverland, Closer, Kinsey, The Polar Express or Ray so please resist the urge to beat me over the head with a cyber-stick!

**Shows up for consideation are those for which I have seen 3 or more episodes. I think it unfair to judge a season by less than 3 episodes. Shows not up for consideration include Alias, Joan of Arcadia, and CSI:NY

Why aren't you watching Veronica Mars??

Hello Middle of Nowhere....

After much tears and little fanfare, I left Austin a few weeks ago for a little place in the middle of the flat, dry and dusty Rio Grande Valley. I highly doubt that my favorite hairy Redskins fan will miss me. It's official - I'm miserable. I'll give this place a month or so before I weigh in with my final verdict. I mean it's not all that bad, but it's not all that period.

Christmas was alright. Mom was here and Bud was only fractionally annoying. He's 30 years old and still has his mother buying his underwear. I guess somethings never change. If she starts wiping his nose in public, I will slit my wrists open. No, seriously.

As for my new digs...well, um....it's...different. The postman comes twice a week (get your mind out of the gutter), there's no UPN network and the
movie theaters here don't really know what an independent film is. I was told that I'd have to drive for 45 miles to see "Sideways" starring my new baby-daddy Paul Giamatti. It's gonna take 2 weeks for our phone line to be set up but the cable/DSL guy took all of 3 hours. Still not set up though. :(

I was here about a week before I saw another black person and I think we were both too disturbingly excited to see each other. As for my apartment, the carpet is a brownish-bluish-greyish-r edish-green or may be that's just age, the oven only works at 500 degrees and the dishwasher is possessed by Satan. Other than that, the new place is awesome. I think I'll get alot of work done here due to share boredom. :o)

Nat