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| I'm not missing you at all! |
| 03.29.05 (1:10 pm) [edit] |
Hey, AE was missing for week.
Really? I hadn't noticed.
Just like you hadn't noticed that Jon Wright takes four months to answer a single email?
Look, biotch, I said I hadn't noticed. Okay.
Ooooh. You're hardcore. Hardcore like a pack of peeps.
She was gone for like a week, you say. Big deal. Like I care. I've gone away for a week before.
Yeah, but you never met Wild Bill Guarnere.
Shut it!! Ok. I still did NOT miss her.
So why'd you call then, huh? Why couldn't you wait till she got back, Miss Needy?
That was an accident. My phone accidentally called the last number dialed.
Yeah, all on it's own.
I forgot to lock the keypad.
I'm buying that like I'm buying a used box of Kleenex/
Ewwww!
You like that, huh? How about a used q-tip.
That's enough. Now back off!
No, you back off, rug-muncher!
Hey!!!
Do you even know what that means?
Um...no. Not exactly.
Then just trust me. You are one.
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4 Comments
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| The End of the Road |
| 03.24.05 (4:08 pm) [edit] |
This will be the very very very very last installment of "Who's Crotch is it Anyway?"
It will be worth a whopping 5000 tbucks. Try buying Rhode Island with that!!
As my job search continues I have decided that it would not be prudent to continue this crotch-fest. Any prospective employer who stumbles onto this website and recognizes me from the photos will drop me the minute he/she thinks that I am crotch-obsessed. Mind you, I am NOT crotch-obsessed. I just think it's funny in the same way that folks find Larry the Cable Guy's "Git R Done" funny.
Anyway, without further adieu, the final crotch.
As for hints, I personally didn't want to give any just to keep people guessing until they died of boredom but I was told that that was anti-social and just mean so...
Hint: He makes bald look sexy. In fact his nickname is "The Sexy" as it rhymes with his characters name.
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11 Comments
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| Suggestions Please |
| 03.20.05 (5:00 pm) [edit] |
Well, I'm currently job-hunting and that involves banging out cover letters, updating my CV, twisting arms for letters of recommendation and trying to find the least offensive interview attire. I've got a couple decent suits but my problem lies with my feet. I hate uncomfortable shoes and I have been searching high and low for a pair of comfortable brown pumps. Last year, Chris, Missy Jackson and I went to the outlet mall in San Marcos and found the most comfortable pair of pumps ever. They were Cloud 9 pumps by Nine West. Missi bought 2 pairs and Chris and I bought a pair each. I only bought a pair of black pumps because that's all I ever thought I needed but as soon as I got home I regretted not buying another pair in brown or navy. Has that ever happened to you - buyer's remorse from having purchased too little? I've been desperately searching for another pair of these shoes but according to Nine West, they don't make them anymore. The only Cloud 9's out there are these butch-looking loafer-style pumps.
Anyway, I'm soliciting suggestions for other sources of comfortable brown pumps. If you've got feet that don't fit well into those trendy pointy-toe pumps and have found yourself a pair of pumps that last you the whole day without making you want to amputate at the ankles, I'd like to hear from you. Please comment or email me, ASAP. I don't want to wait till the very last minute to find a pair of comfy pumps.
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12 Comments
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| You're still here. |
| 03.18.05 (12:16 pm) [edit] |
After all these years. 34 years by my count. You'll have to forgive me, your one non-obligatory fan, for the lateness of these birthday wishes. I was in Toronto for a couple weeks and away from my PC and calendar.
Well as for the wishes:
May the sun always shine on your face when you remember to wear sunblock.
May the bird that flies overhead crap on the person next to you.
May a thousand fleas infest the crotch of every producer who has the gall to turn you down.
May every bed you sleep in be warm and cozy, every toilet seat you sit on cold and sterile and every lip you kiss void of cold sores.
May the inspiration of a hundred muses fall on your shoulders
May the light in your eyes shine brightly
and
May you never suffer the humiliation of leaving your home with a used condom stuck to your pant leg.
God Bless you, Jon Wright, this year and all the years of your life.
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0 Comments
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| Stop peeing on my parade |
| 03.18.05 (10:24 am) [edit] |
Welcome to the Diary of a Moody Black Woman:
Ever cook enough dinner for two people only to find that one person has eaten more than his share of the meal and can only come up with "I thought you ate already" as an excuse?
Ever walked into a store, picked up a skirt that you thought was your size only to find that you can't get the zip to close because your back fat is in the way?
Ever worn a pair of shoes to a wedding that were comfortable when you bought them but is now cutting off circulation to your little toes to the point that thoughts of little-digit amputation start flowing in your head?
Ever gotten to the bank at 5:56 pm on a Friday to find the security guard closing the door after letting in the person that was literally 10 seconds ahead of you?
Ever vacuum the carpet only to have your brother walk in from a muddy game of soccer and pivot 10 times assuring that whatever mud and dirt he brought in will be deeply absorbed by the carpet?
Ever wait 4 weeks to watch "Finding Neverland" on DVD only to find that your DVD is so scratched that the player freezes up every 10 frames and not on flattering angles of Johnny Depp?
Ever misread the nutrition label on a bag of popcorn only to realize that you've just consumed 800 calories instead of 80?
Ever had a small drop of whitening toothpaste bleach out a spot the size of a dollar coin on your favorite angora sweater?
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13 Comments
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| Crotchety!!! |
| 03.17.05 (9:16 am) [edit] |
Natblog is back in full effect! It's Thursday and time for another round of "Who's Crotch is it Anyway?"
Hint: Whether he's being good or bad he's got you Hooked.
1000 absolutely meaningless and utterly useless tbucks are up for grabs. Another 500 if you can name 5 films in which this actor appears.
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6 Comments
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| The Day Bobby Joe Died |
| 03.16.05 (12:00 pm) [edit] |
I've returned to find a BobbyJoe-less tblog. It's a cold cold world. :( :?
I'd like to dedicate the following song to dear BobbyJoe. Someone please tell me what the hell this song is about. BobbyJoe would have understood.
Somebody Told Me by The Killers
Breaking my back just to know your name
Seventeen tracks and I've had it with this game
I'm breaking my back just to know your name
But heaven ain't close in a place like this
Anything goes but don't blink you might miss
Cause heaven ain't close in a place like this
I said heaven ain't close in a place like this
Bring it back down, bring it back down tonight
Never thought I'd let a rumour ruin my moonlight
* [chorus] *
Well somebody told me
You had a boyfriend
Who looks like a girlfriend
That I had in February of last year
It's not confidential
I've got potential
* [/chorus] *
Ready? Let's roll onto something new
Taking its toll and I'm leaving without you
Ready? Let's roll onto something new
But heaven ain't close in a place like this
Anything goes but don't blink you might miss
Cause heaven ain't close in a place like this
I said heaven ain't close in a place like this
Bring it back down, bring it back down tonight
Never thought I'd let a rumour ruin my moonlight
[chorus]
A rushin', a rushin' around
Pace yourself for me
I said maybe baby please
But I just don't know now
[chorus] x3
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12 Comments
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| I'm back!! |
| 03.16.05 (11:22 am) [edit] |
I made it home safely last night from my not-so worldwind tour of Austin and Toronto. I didn't freeze my ass off as expected. It's still attached and quite large, actually.
I'd like to give a special shout out to my friend Missi Jackson, who I stayed with while in Austin. She's lost close to 30 lbs in the past 3 months. I know I'm waaay older but you are my role model! I'd also like to thank my cousins in Toronto for putting up with my weirdness for 10 days and not showing any signs of strain or annoyance - a true Christian effort. I'd also like to thank my supervisor for finally reading my paper and making useful comments. He's getting married this week or this weekend so that means that miracle that happened two weeks ago (his reading of my paper) won't happen for another 6 months at least. Thanks, all the same. I'd also like to thank my mother for financing the whole trip because I am still a big loser who gets money from Mommy Dearest (my Mommy Dearest doesnt beat me with a wire hanger but smothers me with love, sweet love). Finally, I want to thank my dear brother Bud for not letting the apartment go to hell in a hand-basket while I was away. He still hasn't sorted out that pile of laundry bags I left him, in fact, the pile of 3 bags is still there. Also, the kitchen is currently a biohazard. I told him that anything left unsorted by Friday is going in the garbage. The Salvation Army doesn't and shouldn't accept dirty clothes.
So there you have it. I'm back. In one piece. Anonymous crotches tomorrow.
Oh and by the way, I had a baby.
Well, I had her for about 5 minutes.
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7 Comments
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| Northern Exposure |
| 03.02.05 (10:45 am) [edit] |
Well, Thursday's edition of "Who's Crotch is this?" will be cancelled for a few weeks while I travel north to Canada and freeze my butt off for a few days. Thanks for reading. Natblog is officially on haitus until March 16th.
:(
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21 Comments
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