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| Moving...Again...and Again |
| 07.28.05 (1:19 pm) [edit] |
Will I ever be settled? Only my Father in Heaven knows. I really hate moving. I really hate having to pack everything I own into boxes and suitcases and transport them and then unpack them. The only thing that I enjoy is the purging process. Purging horrible items from my closet that I haven't worn in years or that I realize was a bad purchase in the first place or doesn't fit anymore is oddly liberating. Goodbye frumpy floral frock, goodbye old and busted sneakers, goodbye worthless flat iron, goodbye fuzzy and itchy sweater, goodbye tight and shiny pants, goodbye 5-inch heeled platforms, goodbye and good riddance. Then there are those clothes that have past their prime that you wear everyday that have sentimental value that you mourn before you throw in the garbage. Not even the Salvation Army would want these pieces of crap.
I think my brother Bud needs to get out more. Or at least get laid. It's been a few months and I think he's beginning to suffer brain damage. Every time he talks to me his first sentence always begins with "I was chatting to this girl/woman/lady online and ..."
Every anecdote lately is related to a story he heard from one of his online lady friends. Dude, enough already!
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4 Comments
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| Look what the good Mal made... |
| 07.26.05 (8:26 am) [edit] |
Inspired by an article I read yesterday and designed by DrCrotch's Mal, I present to you the motion picture epic of the year:
Will Denzel Washington get there in time to foil this evil plot? We can only hope that he has been invited to the wedding.
The Manchurian Fiancée is a DaftandDemented Production in association with Tinctured Sphincter, the people behind The Man Without a Crotch and Crotches of the Caribbean
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1 Comments
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| Please tell me this is some kind of joke... |
| 07.21.05 (10:58 am) [edit] |
A Smurfs Trilogy in 3D? I can't believe that they'd make one movie let alone 3 in 3D. What the hell is going on in Hollywood? What's next - The Snorks?
By the way, who was your favorite Smurf? Mine was Vanity. Figures.
No, really, it's happening.
Link thanks to AE. Jools, A-M, would you guys go to see it?
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9 Comments
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| Eye Candy is Good for you |
| 07.20.05 (3:07 pm) [edit] |
Ahhhh...can you smell that? It's my heart sizzling on a skillet. Well, may be not my heart but some other organ. Anyway, I've got a new boyfriend of the moment and he is fiiiiiine. I don't often go for younger guys but every once in a while, a girl deserves a toyboy. I've been so good lately. I've taken the high road. I've chosen guys with class, talent, brains, maturity and the ability to make a long-term commitment. Not one wild man-ho in the bunch, Gerard Butler, excluded. I mean, he's Gerard Butler, for Pete's sake. Anyway, let's not get sidetracked from the current BotM. This guy makes up for his relative inexperience as an actor with his youthful enthusiasm and being as hot as the sun. Also a bonus is the fact that he has the right amount of body hair. He's not a Wookie like Eion Bailey (or the Man-Who-Was-Never-Really- Funny-In-The-First-Place Winner - Robin Williams). He's also not shaved like an Olympic swimmer. Now, I know he doesn't quite make the unavailability criteria (married, gay or dead) but he's just so yummy. Please welcome him with open arms - Chris Evans from The Fantastic Four.
Chris was excited to learn that he made the BotM list.
He even called his grandmother to tell her the great news.
This photo finally tipped the scales in his favor.
Please, no hot-linking!!!
It takes a special kind of guy to make you forget that Ioan Gruffudd and Julian McMahon are also in the movie. Now, how do you score a toyboy on the Throw Down Scale? Well, he looks eager (especially in that last photo), so he warrants at most a 5. I think I will shave off 1 second off his time because of that cute thing he does with his eyebrows.
For those who are unfamiliar:
The Throw Down Scale measures the time I imagine it would take for the BotM to rip my shirt off, unhook my bra and throw me down on the bed (ranging from 0 to 90 seconds, because some of my bras open at the front). As a point of comparison, in theory I would have given Jude Law a 20. When Law scored a 16 ripping off his children's nanny's bra earlier this year, it marked the first time that the Throw Down score was tested in practice.
This moment in boyfriend history is brought to you by:
A Daft and Demented: Mal Uncensored Product.
If you have a BotM that you would like to recommend, feel free to name him in your comments. Links to evidence of their BotM potential would also be appreciated. BotM must be 18 years of age or older and NOT TOM CRUISE. Thank you.
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12 Comments
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| Best. Icon. Ever. |
| 07.15.05 (8:26 pm) [edit] |
Well, may be not the best, but it sure comes close...
This award goes to zeldazonk whose icon made me laugh so hard, I had to change my underwear.
Tom infuses Oprah with Scientology
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7 Comments
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| New Boyfriend of the Moment |
| 07.12.05 (8:26 am) [edit] |
Everyday is a chance to meet someone new or a chance to rediscover an old flame. Sometimes love can be hotter the second, third or twentieth time around. My new Boyfried of the Moment and I have been around the block a few times. So, I guess he's only new in the sense that two minutes ago I was engaged to Hugh Laurie (his wife put an end to it). That's the beauty of the BotM - we're never together long enough for us to notice each other's annoying habits like the fact that I grind my teeth in my sleep.
Each time I reunite with this particular BotM, I gain new appreciation for him. The first time around was with Lord Faramir. The second time around I discovered something Better Than Sex. Just recently, I invested in The Bank. Our love (well mostly my love since he doesn't even know my name) has been reborn!! I think a part of me will always love David Wenham.
Mr. Wenham has been blessed with a pair of firm hands. We know he can handle a sword but can he handle undergarments? Absolutely! He seems like a perfect gentleman who knows when to quit being um...too polite when the circumstances call for action. So I give Daisy a score of 10 on the Throw Down scale.
For those who are unfamiliar:
The Throw Down Scale measures the time I imagine it would take for the BotM to rip my shirt off, unhook my bra and throw me down on the bed (ranging from 0 to 90 seconds, because some of my bras open at the front). As a point of comparison, before he started eating his weight in pasta daily, Marlon Brando (soon to be inducted into the Dead Boyfriend Soceity) would have scored a 7. Before his death, he would have been off the charts. Colin Farrell holds the record with a score of -2.
The perfect BotM is unconventionally handsome (not that I would kick the conventionally handsome out of bed for eating crackers), talented in his field of specialization and utterly, completely and unequivocably unavailable.
Unavailability can come in various forms. The BotM may be
1) Happily married to a healthy spouse
2) Dead
3) Gay
4) All of the above.
Yes, I realize that "all of the above" is very unlikely but you never know when you'll hit the trifecta. David obviously satisfies the unavailability criteria by being happily married to a healthy spouse.
This moment in boyfriend history was brought to you by:
A Daft & Demented: Mal Uncensored Product. Not available in stores.
Previous BotM: Chris Martin of Coldplay (What was I thinking?!!)
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15 Comments
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| Boyfriend of the Moment |
| 07.06.05 (10:50 pm) [edit] |
Lust is fleeting and in my case especially. One minute I'm glued to the TV screen watching Dead Boyfriend Society inductee Steve McQueen in Papillon and the next minute I'm at the movies drooling over Christian Bale. It's almost impossible to keep a track of who I'm "with" at any given moment in time. I could have changed my mind about this Boyfriend of the Moment by the time I finished writing this post. I doubt it though - such is the magnitude of my current attraction to him. I don't normally find singers or musicians sexy. It's the way they contort their faces as they belt out their songs. There's just no way to be cool when I can see right up their nostrils as they breathe between notes. For this reason I'm not into music videos. Live gigs are awesome because there are no close-ups. This BotM has defied the odds. Even so, he does have the most important attribute needed to make him the perfect Boyfriend of the Moment. He's utterly unavailable. Utterly. Even for a musician, he's not the type to give into groupies and cheat on his wife. Obviously, he's good looking and talented and that goes a long way in earning my interest but unavailability is the key. If he's available, it means that we could meet and six months later I may want to kill him for drinking milk straight from the carton. With Chris Martin of Coldplay, I doubt I will ever have that problem.
Chris is smart, socially conscious and not a publicity-monger. He knows how to quietly get his point across without jumping on couches or flipping people off. His propensity to be a gentleman does not bode well for his Throw Down score. While I'm sure Mr. Martin has great technique, he does not come across as one who would force the issue. So I grudgingly give him a score of 42.
For those who are unfamiliar:
The Throw Down Scale measures the time I imagine it would take for the BotM to rip my shirt off, unhook my bra and throw me down on the bed (ranging from 0 to 90 seconds, because some of my bras open at the front). As a point of comparison, at the beginning of his Bond days, Sean Connery would have rated a 5. Today, he would probably require the full 90 seconds, viagra notwithstanding.
Previous BotM: Christian Bale
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17 Comments
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Ayn Rant: AESav.net
Daft and Demented: Mal Uncensored
Captain Jack Sparrow
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