Remember the Barbie Room? Where all the banging took place? It's the violet room that inspired Tinctured Sphincter's hit single "Banging in the Barbie Room". Well, times have changed and there's no room in the new world for the Barbie Room, with its unmoving and judgemental plastic eyes. Out with the Barbie border, in with the cream and egg-shell. Farewell, Barbie Room, we hardly knew ya!
As a tribute, Achtung Pussy, lead singer of Tinctured Sphincter has remastered an Elton John classic.
Goodbye Barbie Room
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to uphold yourself
While those around you f**ked.
They f**ked out their brains hard
As they whispered sweet nothings
They set you up for a fall
And they made you scream their names
And it seems to me, you lived your life
Like a border on the wind
Never knowing who to scream to
When the sex begins
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was on soils foreign
Your candle burned out long before
That JoZ did you in.
1. behaviour or actions of a douchebag
2. behaviour or actions of Dr. Gaius Baltar
3. the state, quality, or fact of being a douchebag.
4. a stupid act, notion, speech, etc.
5. The quality or condition of being stupid.
Now playing in North American cinemas Rating: 4/5 Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Jack Nicholson, Mark Wahlberg, Martin Sheen and Alec Baldwin (as a sweaty bastard, er, as himself).
I took my mother to see this film. The previews and all the reviews I read had told me that this film was a bloodfest. I had passed on all this information to my dear mother, but she still insisted on seeing her beloved Jack (Nicholson, not DiCaprio's Titanic pansy). Well, she didn't get to see much of Jack, or any body else for that matter. She spent the entire film with her hands over her eyes and mouth, as did all of the people in the cinema with me. My brother and I were the only ones who seemed to be able to stomach the unparalleled number of shots to the head.
The Departed is a necessarily violent film. I can't believe I just typed that, but it's true. The film takes us into a world where life is as cheap as Foley for President bumper stickers and loyalty is as hard to find as Kevin Federline's talent. Even though Jack Nicholson's Frank Costello was almost over-the-top and stereotypical, his was probably the most entertaining character. Damon's Sullivan vs. DiCaprio's Costigan was just awesome! While others were cringing and holding on to someone else for comfort, I was giggling to myself, while trying to comfort my mother. I looked over from time to time at my brother and we exchanged knowing glances. We knew we were both watching brilliance.
Yes, I said "brilliance." I plan to buy it on DVD when it comes out. I cannot give it any higher accolade.
Is it a coincidence that the four tv shows that I panned in my first Made for TV post have either been cancelled or placed on indefinite hiatus? No, I don't think so. I guess it doesn't take a genius to spot lame television programming and if you ask my (real) friends, I am no genius. Well, Runaway wasn't so lame as much as it was on a lame network ( the CW) that did a lame job of promoting it. Yes, if you haven't guess it, today's watchword is "lame".
I have continued to watch as many new shows as I can in order to be able to be the first, er, the one thousand, two hundred and thirty-ninth person to tell you that Men in Trees sucks big donkey balls. No, seriously, huge gonads.
Last time around, dustyjumpwings pointed out that I forgot to mention Standoff. There was a reason for it. Had I talked about the Fox show starring my Band of Brothers boys Ron Livingston and Michael Cudlitz as hostage negotiators (Cudlitz's character is more inclined to shoot the hostage-taker rather than negotiate but whatever), the show would have been cancelled before building an audience. I still don't feel safe talking about it. I am the Queen of the TV Jinx, Veronica Mars excluded. All I will say is that I watch the show - religiously. I will not admit to anything more. Let's hope no one on Fox heard that. Those bastards cancelled Firefly two days after I raved about it, back when I was over on the now "dead as a door post" M-blog. See? Me - jinx. My photo is in the dictionary, right next to Joe Leiberman. Ahem. Missy Jackson can blame me for Everwood's departure too.
What else have I been watching that I dear not talk to you about? Hmmmm... Oh! Heroes!! Thanks to Shane for the reminder. This show is amazing and chock full of interesting characters and has the potential to be the best show on frakking TV. I hate NBC almost as much as I hate Fox. My favourite character has got to be "SuperHiro". He's so dorky, cute and earnest. I love watching him and his nonsuper friend Ando. Every hero needs a sidekick and I love their chemisty. My least favourite character would have to be Simone. The best thing they can do for this show is to have her die a spectacular death. Head blown off, disembowelled - no chance of a return - not even in flashbacks. I'm down for that.
The last show that I don't want to talk to you about is Jericho. This show has already been picked up by CBS for a full order of 22 episodes, so I feel a bit more comfortable telling you that I am happy that Skeet Ulrich has found steady employment since Scream. The show has a Lost-like feel to it, which I don't think is a coincidence. Unlike the sad sack of Lost rip-offs that aired last fall that failed miserably to garner any attention (Threshold, Invasion and Surface), this show seems to have some teeth to it. When I heard the show would star Skeet Ulrich, I really didn't give it much of a chance, after seeing what happened with Miracles but the guy really could use the work.
Shame on you, Gap Inc., for making an entire generation loathe Audrey Hepburn. Audrey Hepburn was a talented, graceful and generous individual but now she has been immortalized for all eternity as the only woman in North America able to look half-way decent in a pair of Gap's anorexia-inducing skinny jeans. Shame on you!! Everyone else looks like over-stuffed sausage meat in them.
Guess I shouldn't expect much from a company that profits off the blood, sweat and tears of sweat shop workers in the Third World.
Remember the Barbie Room? Where all the banging took place? It's the violet room that inspired Tinctured Sphincter's hit single "Banging in the Barbie Room". Well, times have changed and there's no room in the new world for the Barbie Room, with its unmoving and judgemental plastic eyes. Out with the Barbie border, in with the cream and egg-shell. Farewell, Barbie Room, we hardly knew ya!