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| All I want for Christmas! |
| 11.30.06 (12:35 pm) [edit] |
I really hope that I make it on Santa's "good" list this year, despite being extremely naughty, particularly this summer. Other than my summer slide, I've been really good. I've flossed, folded my clothes before putting them away, vacuumed the lampshades, donated blood 3 times, donated cash to the local police department (along with offers to hold an officer's "gun"), I cut back on my cholesterol, started eating breakfast again, stopped eating beef and I donated a sad set of 4 shiny hubcaps to a ... convenience store clerk, indirectly, just to name a few things. Oh, I almost forgot, I don't say "fuck" as much. I've replaced it with the more pleasant sounding "frak", courtesy of Battlestar Galactica.
So really, I've been very very good this year and deserve a stocking loaded with anything but coal. Well, may be one or two lumps, but no donkey doo this year, okay?
Anyway, without further chatty-chat, my wishlist for Spendover:
DVDs
1. 24 - Season 5
I already own Season 1 through 4, so this is sort of an annual thing for me.
2. Battlestar Galactica - 2003 Miniseries, and Season 1
It's quite possibly the most awesome show on television. I actually love it more than Veronica Mars (see Misc. below), which is saying alot.
3. House - Season 1
I asked for this last year but didn't get it. So, just like last year's education tax credit, I'm rolling it over for 2006.
4. An Inconvenient Truth
Unlike the writers of South Park, I do believe the former Vice President has something important to say with this wonderfully made documentary.
CDs
1. Greatest Hits - Red Hot Chili Peppers
2. Gold Medal - Donnas
3. Kingdom Come - Jay-Z
4. In the Clear - Ivy
Books
1. Beyond Band of Brothers: The War Memoirs of Major Dick Winters by Dick Winters and Cole C. Kingseed
2. Dear John by Nicholas Sparks
Misc.
1. A Fourth Season of Veronica Mars
It's looking less and less likely that Veronica and the gang will be returning next year. If this is the last season, they better make it the BEST EVER.
2. A moment under the mistletoe with Greg Foster. Who? I know, I've never mentioned him before. Just trust me, he's really cute AND he can fix my PC.
Nowhere on my list will you find requests for Nintendo Wii or PlayStation 3, because I think it is a crime to ask a parent to fork over the monthly salary of the average American household for a video game console that will become obsolete in less than 3 years. It's just plain wrong, especially when you think of what other things the money could be spent on. Teach your kids to donate to the Salvation Army, Red Cross, World Wildlife Fund or Food for the Poor. Don't teach them the values of high mass consumerism. I would never think of asking my parents to spend that kind of money on me for Christmas. Never. Now, if you're an adult and you can afford to fork over that kind of cash for yourself, good for you. I just hope you're not being cheap to the rest of the world around you just so you can afford it.
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9 Comments
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| Ancient History |
| 11.28.06 (12:51 pm) [edit] |
I'm definitely a proponent of "those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it". I'm an even a bigger advocate of the abbreviated version - been there, done that. Still, it just bothers me how much money and time is spent investigating mysteries from the past just for the sake of posterity. For example, billions of dollars and millions of man-hours have been spent investigating how Da Vinci painted the fraking Mona Lisa. Then there's the cold case experts who spend millions of dollars to do CT Scans and MRI's on the rotting corpse of an Egyptian Pharoah just to prove he wasn't bludgeoned to death. I know there's no statute of limitations on murder, but who exactly were they planning to prosecute - the rotting corpse of the so-called conspirators? Next time some poor mother without health insurance brings her kid in to get an X-ray, you gonna be the one to tell her that she has to wait because Tuttie appears to have broken his femur thousands of years ago?
Basically, the first people who discovered Tuttie damaged his remains and they needed 84 years of study and millions of dollars to find out what Quincy or Columbo could have told them in 42 minutes. Actually, Columbo solves the crime after 10 minutes and then spends the remaining 32 minutes having the criminal and other suspects shit themselves in fear.
Wow, if some alien species were to observe us, they'd probably say that we waste a lot of time and money investigating our past ad nauseum and very little time saving our future. Archeologists, historians and the like, please don't write me letters. What you do is important - no doubt. We have a lot to learn from history. However, there's a level frivolity to some of the scientific research out there. All for shits 'n' giggles.
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10 Comments
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| The Hubcap Stake Out |
| 11.25.06 (7:19 pm) [edit] |
Case File No. 008972-35
Background:
On December 13th 2004, Bud Rogers of a Texas address buys a sad set of 4 shiny hubcaps from Wal*Mart for $14.99. Several months pass before Bud Rogers places some of his belongings in storage, including the sad set of 4 shiny hubcaps. After moving from Texas to Ontario, said sad set of 4 shiny hubcaps are shipped to Bud Rogers from Texas to his new Canadian address causing much confusion and gastrointestinal crampage. The sad set of 4 shiny hubcaps are shipped instead of textbooks and much-needed lecture notes. Bud Rogers is beside himself and after over a year of futility decides to end the saga of the sad set of 4 shiny hubcaps once and for all. This takes us to the present.
Today - 3:30pm
Achtung Kitty suggests that Bud Rogers leave sad set of 4 shiny hubcaps in front of a dumpster and see if someone takes them. After much brainstorming, it is decided that Bud Rogers should leave the sad set of 4 shiny hubcaps at the dumpster by the nearest convenience store and that to ensure that the evil sad set of 4 shiny hubcaps disappears for good, Achtung Kitty and Bud Rogers should monitor the sad set of 4 shiny hubcaps from a safe location, thus setting in motion the hubcap stake out.
Tonight - 6:05pm
After buying Chinese takeout (perfect stakeout food) and sodas, Bud Rogers leaves the sad set of 4 shiny hubcaps near the entrance of the convenience store rather than the dumpster (a last minute decision that draws much criticism from Achtung Kitty, an expert in such matters). After circling the block around the convenience store, they park across the street and eat their Chinese dinner and suck on soda while observing the reactions of the many convenience store patrons to the sad set of 4 shiny hubcaps.
Tonight - 6:33pm
An unidentified teenage girl shows interest in sad set of 4 shiny hubcaps, lifting the box and then showing it to someone who appears to be her boyfriend seated in a parked car. She puts the sad set of 4 shiny hubcaps down and enters the convenience store. Several other people appear to be confused about the sad set of 4 shiny hubcaps and its location. One child kicks it before being shuffled along by his mother. A teenage boy trips over it. A taxi cab driver leans over and spits beside it.
Tonight - 6:59pm
After finishing their Chinese takeout and deciding that they are each too full to eat their egg rolls, Achtung Kitty and Bud Rogers stretch a little. As they stretch their arms they notice that a woman in a fugly burgundy van has hopped out and picked up the sad set of 4 shiny hubcaps. She appears to be taking it to her van when inexplicably she enters the convenience store instead. She appears to be handing sad set of 4 shiny hubcaps to the cashier. The cashier appears to be annoyed and confused. They exchange wild hand gestures. The exchange ends abruptly and the woman leaves the convenience store and hops in her van and departs. Witnessing this exchange, Achtung Kitty and Bud Rogers feel cheated. No one really wants the sad set of 4 shiny hubcaps, and who knows what will happen to the sad set of 4 shiny hubcaps, but the sad set of 4 shiny hubcaps is now someone else's problem.
Good luck and Godspeed sad set of 4 shiny hubcaps, we won't miss you taking up space in the living room.
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11 Comments
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| Tell me why! |
| 11.23.06 (1:21 pm) [edit] |
I'm not ugly, nor am I extremely attractive. I smile alot and don't walk around with a scowl on my face. So why is it that the only person (male or female) that will approach me at a bar is someone who is drunk, high or smells like stale peanuts?
I'd just like to know if there's something I'm doing wrong. Do you think my "nutcracker" t-shirt is a turn off?
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6 Comments
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| Movie Review: Casino Royale |
| 11.21.06 (6:29 pm) [edit] |
Now Playing in North America and the United Kingdom
Rating: 4/5
Starring: Daniel Craig, Judi Dench, Eva Green, Giancarlo Giannini, Mads Mikkelsen and Jeffrey Wright
Before setting foot in the movie theatre, I had read at least a dozen reviews of Casino Royale. They all hailed Daniel Craig as a "Bond" for the ages. They also praised the relatively low tech content of the film. The majority also said that the film dragged a bit in its third act and was approximately thirty minutes to long. On every issue, I wholeheartedly agree. I will discuss the first issue at length.
Daniel Craig is a James Bond for the ages
Fuck, yeah! Daniel Craig returns James Bond to heights he has not seen the likes of since Dr. No. It's not hard to imagine Craig as a cold-blooded killer or that any woman would get weak-kneed in his presence. Since Sean Connery's early foray into Bond(age), we have been bombarded with pretenders. George Lazenby wasn't half as bad as people (who still remember him) say. Still, he did not have the charm of Connery, not that there are many Australian men that I would not frak. He had the physicality, but he lacked the finesse. Then came the Dark Ages for Bond, better known as the Roger Moore era. Roger Moore reduced Bond to a smug, womanizing joker.
In fact, it took two new Bonds before the franchise recovered from the damage to its image caused by Moore. Moore was all fluff and finesse. Watching him on screen was like sinking your lips into a cappuccino and then realizing that there's nothing under the froth. As if TPTB realized that there was something seriously FUBAR about Moore's characterization of Bond, they over-compensated by casting Timothy Dalton whose cold exterior translated better as Jane Eyre's Mr. Rochester than it did to an international man of mystery. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't kick Dalton out of bed for eating crackers but I would just as soon cross myself and sling garlic around my neck at the sight of him. If Dalton had been given a third Bond film, I may have warmed up to him.
The producers had less patience than I, so they cast a man who could only be described as the lovechild of Roger Moore and Timothy Dalton - Pierce Brosnan. Brosnan had the right amount of cheese, charm and braun to rekindle audience interest in the franchise. Still, he paled in comparison to Sean Connery. As I enjoyed Goldeneye and the other films that followed, I always felt like there was something missing. I found myself asking the question "Am I ever going to see James Bond get kicked in the gonads?" No, don't laugh! It's a fair question. My problem with Bond since the Moore era, is that he was too tidy, too suave, too neat, too manicured, too pretty and looked awful when he got scruffed up. Let's just say that Moore's and Brosnan's Bonds were dry clean only, and who has money to pay for dry cleaning? Not so with Daniel Craig.
Craig looks like he can take a licking and keep on ticking. In fact, Craig seems to get more attractive the more bruised and swollen he is. No, seriously. He makes facial cuts sexy in away that Pinhead had only dreamed. Craig's like a pair of leather boots - they look better and more authentic with wear and tear. There's a rawness about Craig that makes him that much more irresistable when dressed in a tuxedo. He's like that bad boy sitting at the back of class in Sunday school, forced to wear long pants and a button-up shirt. You know you'd rather run off him than listen to another frakking lecture on abstinence from Sister Christine ... um ... anyway, getting sidetracked. He's steely and cold and yet violently passionate. Girls (and guys if you swing that way), get your oven mits. This one's a hottie. Oh, and his acting is subtle and absolutely spot on.
So in summary: Craig gets an A+ from me. The film gets an A-. Sigh! Gives new meaning to the term "bondage".
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10 Comments
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| What the frak? |
| 11.21.06 (1:26 pm) [edit] |
A study shows that people tend to be more thorough and take more time washing their hands in public washrooms when there is someone standing behind them waiting to use the sink. What the frak is up with that? Do you need someone standing behind you and watching you to wash your hands properly?
Also, we all have one at work - the colleague that doesn't wash their hands after using the loo, who also happens to be the same colleague that offers you candy when you stop by his/her desk. What the frak?
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1 Comments
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| Movie Review: Stranger Than Fiction |
| 11.20.06 (2:05 pm) [edit] |
Now Playing in North American Cinemas
Rating: 2.5/5
Starring: Will Ferrell, Emma Thompson, Dustin Hoffman, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Queen Latifah
Okay, I'll admit to something that I have been fighting since the late 1990's. I (heart) Will Ferrell. OH GOD! What is happening to me? I was introduced to the big and hairy lug on Saturday Night Live and since then I have had a love-hate relationship with him which turned to just love after my first (of many screenings) of Elf. Will Ferrell knows how to play lovable oafs. He also knows how to play put-upon and unfortunate. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy proved that Ferrell knows how to play self-obsessed, arrogant pricks with a heart of G.O.L.D.
It is upon Will Ferrell's broad and hairy shoulders that the success of this film rests. This film succeeds in every scene with Ferrell, whether he is paired with the likes of Dustin Hoffman, Maggie Gyllenhaal or some random extra. In the scenes without him, mostly those featuring a dowdy Emma Thompson (doing her best imitation of friend Hugh Laurie's House) and Queen Latifah (doing her best imitation of Morgan Freeman in An Unfinished Life, The Shawshank Redemption, Million Dollar Baby, The Sum of All Fears... or any film in which he plays "the black sage"), the film drags and becomes almost unbearable. Thompson's character seems somewhat suicidal and there are times in this film that you wish she'd just put us out of her misery.
Rather than just doing herself the final favour, Thompson's character, Kaye Eiffel (more like Kaye Awful), writes novels in which the main character always dies in some deeply ironic way. Unfortunately for Will Ferrell's Harold Crick, he appears to be caught in one of Eiffel's infernal novels of poetic but pathetic human demise. He also has the distinct displeasure of having Eiffel's running narration stuck in his head. Upon learning of his imminent death, Crick tries desperately to live the last days of his life without regret while trying to seek the source of his internal narrator.
It's a cute and quirky film, and if you can tolerate a shrill and annoying Emma Thompson, I say go for it!
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7 Comments
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| Farewell Unkie |
| 11.20.06 (1:35 pm) [edit] |
My favourite Uncle is off to teach English in South Korea. Anyone who has signed up with Monster or Workopolis has probably received more than a dozen job offers for teaching English in South Korea, Japan or some other really really really far off place (to North America). Well, after months of battling with the depressing US labour market and working at unchallenging and eternally frustrating firms, Unkie-pooh has decided to fly across the globe to teach English to South Korean adults.
It's not a bad gig, he says. His airfare, accommodations and living expenses are all covered, plus he gets some "tax-free" income deposited every month. He's under contract for a year with the possibility of renewal after that if everything works out. Personally, I'm a little worried but strangely envious that he gets to have this fish-out-of-water experience. Who knows, may be he'll finally fall in love and get married. I doubt it though. Unkie-pooh is very particular and I'm not sure how well he will adapt to this new country.
I'd like to work for a year with Médecins Sans Frontières (Doctors Without Borders) but I have no medical training and I'm not sure how good I would be as a logistician. Still, I'd put my all into it and I would really feel like I was making a difference. If I don't do something soon, I may find myself saddled with a husband and kids and unable to just take-off when a need arises. Saddled. Gosh, I should be so lucky.
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1 Comments
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| Movie Review: Borat: Cultural blah blah blah Kazakhstan |
| 11.12.06 (10:31 pm) [edit] |
Now Playing in North America (definitely banned in Kazakhstan)
Rating: 3.5/5
Starring: Sacha Baron Cohen, Ken Davitian, Ken Davitian's naked ass
Hilarious, gross, crude, vulgar, irreverent, f**ked up, horrifying, sad, pathetic, disturbing, dirty, and unforgettable. Borat is all that and more. This is going to be my shortest movie review, EVER. Borat rocked. Borat made me feel like taking a bath and drinking bleach once I got home. Borat made my brother vomit in the theatre. Borat made me laugh so hard that I pulled a stomach muscle. You will either love this film or loathe it.
I never wish to see this movie again. NEVER. That is all.
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2 Comments
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| Movie Review: The Prestige |
| 11.11.06 (3:42 pm) [edit] |
Now Playing in North American Cinemas
Rating: 4/5
Starring: Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, Michael Caine and Scarlett Johansson (in a mercifully limited role)
Set in the early days of the Industrial Revolution, Jackman and Bale play duelling magicians, constantly looking to one-up each other and take their place in history. Jackman's Angier is more of a showman, while Bale's Borden has more ingenuity but lacks the flair to captivate his audience. A tragic incident between the two men early in their careers leads them on a path of revenge, self-destruction and obsession.
While the audience might feel sympathy early on for Angier over Borden, they will discover that neither man is purely devil nor saint. There seems to be no limit for these two men, in their pursuit of fame and supremacy. Their relationship is mirrored by the rivalry between the renowned Thomas Edison and the lesser known Nikola Tesla.
The film evolves like a magic act itself, starting chronologically near the end, dangling a prize in front of the audience, making it seemingly disappear only to emerge later, leaving us with more questions than answers. This style of story telling has been done before and it is not my favourite, but it serves this film well.
The mood is dark and murky, the people pale, the surroundings dirty and decaying. One can understand why magic and illusion mean so much to the people whose attention over which these two men compete. It gives them an escape from the drudgery of their lives. None of them will leave the theatre believing in magic, yet they sit transfixed in their seats waiting for that momentary trick of the mind that can only be described as awe and wonder.
This is a wonderful and compelling film which resonated with me long after I left the theatre and turned on the tube for the evening news. In fact, I can't get it out of my mind. There are some seriously disturbing moments and this film never lets you turn your brain off. So if you're in the mood for something less cerebral, check out the third instalment of The Santa Clause. Otherwise, I highly recommend it.
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5 Comments
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| I win!!! |
| 11.07.06 (5:18 pm) [edit] |
I won the pool for the length of the Spears-Federline Marriage. I came late to the pool and so I was stuck with the "2 years but less than 3 years" slot, because back in 2004, nobody thought the marriage would last more than 18 months. I WANT MY MONEY, SUCKAS!!!
Oh, in case you haven't heard, Britney Spears filed for divorce today. The only reason I give a rat's behind is because of the MONEY!!!!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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6 Comments
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| Many Happy Returns |
| 11.03.06 (12:36 pm) [edit] |
Guess who's back. My Boyfriend of the Moment (BotM) is back and he's gonna get you. Actually, it's Boyfriends, as in plural. I have decided that the fine men of Prison Break should be my dreamtime escorts for the next few, um ... well, we know this won't last forever ... until the next BotM shows up. I'm sorry, I can't commit to a moment, much less a week. Still, the male cast of Break enables me to have a hottie for every day, er, dreamtime, of the week.
Here are my boys and why I like them, other than the obvious:
Michael Scofield played by Wentworth Miller
Availability: Unknown. Since he's on the lamb, he could show up on my doorstep but he's headed to the Mexican and not the Canadian border.
Abs Status: Flat, firm but not chiselled.
Throwdown Score: 40. Michael took his own sweet time with Dr. Sara and I believe he's of the "take things nice and slow - layer by layer" philosophy.
Lincoln Burrows played by Dominic Purcell
Availability: It doesn't look good. He was on the lamb but was recently apprehended. I don't do jailhouse romances.
Abs Status: Ripped and often bare because he apparently overheats if his shirt isn't undone.
Throwdown Score: -2. Around Lincoln, clothes have a way of coming off on their own.
Benjamin "C-Note" Franklin played by Rockmond Dunbar
Availability: Unavailable. Married with a child and completely devoted.
Abs Status: Unknown. Unlike the other castmates, C-Note likes to keep his shirt on.
Throwdown Score: Not Available. He gets props for pressing lips with the Misses but the kids always around and so he's had to "edit" his urges.
Fernando Sucre played by Amaury Nolasco
Availability: It doesn't look good. His primary goal in life is to win back his pregnant ex, Maricruz.
Abs Status: Flat, firm but not chiselled.
Throwdown Score: 5. He managed to knock up Maricruz within minutes during a conjugal visit. No, seriously.
FBI Agent Alexander Mahone played by William Fichtner
Availability: Not likely. He's divorced but seriously emotionally f**ked up. He's unhinged and unpredictable. Perfect BotM material because we know it wouldn't last.
Abs Status: Flat, firm but not chiselled.
Throwdown Score: 2. He has away of getting what he wants or needs with expediency. There's nowhere to run or hide.
John Abruzzi played by Peter Stormare
Availability: Utterly unavailable. Abruzzi is deader than Tom Cruise's hangnail. Welcome to the Dead Boyfriend's Society
Abs Status: A bit on the softside.
Throwdown Score: 25. He's a step slower than he was before he entered the joint and that's why Mahone caught up with him.
Secret Service Special Agent Paul Kellerman played by Paul Adelstein
Availability: Available, that is if you like the kind of boyfriend who might throw you down a well and leave you to die.
Abs Status: A bit on the softside.
Throwdown Score: 35. He's a sneaky mo-fo. He uses distractions to get what he wants from you, which usually means an elaborate build up.
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5 Comments
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| Storm Troopers Are Easy |
| 11.02.06 (3:48 pm) [edit] |
Check out Storm Troopers Are Cool. This website is dedicated to capturing Storm Troopers at their best and worst. These folks don't wait for conventions or Halloween to get in gear. It's a 365-days love affair. No, I did not mean for that to rhyme (in the daytime).
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6 Comments
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| I have a really bad headache |
| 11.02.06 (3:40 pm) [edit] |
I think my head is too crowded.
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8 Comments
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| Veronica Mars: Prickly or Bitchy? |
| 11.01.06 (10:22 am) [edit] |
The buzz I have been hearing for the third season seems to be how less likeable Veronica is this year. The major complaint is that she is coming off as harsh without major justification and that she's being unnecessarily snotty and smarmy. At the same time that I am hearing these complaints, I am also hearing people calling veronica a poseur or a wanna-be 09er. Never thought I would see the day that this would be said about Veronica Mars.
My personal feeling is that Veronica is in transition. I find her more prickly than bitchy and given her history, I don't expect her to be cuddly and sweet. There have been times when I disagreed with the things that Veronica did (googling the solution to the class exercise in the first episode of this season, indiscriminate tazering of people she doesn't like, repeatedly accusing Weevil and Logan of evil-doing like she's Clark Kent on "Smallville") but I personally find that her imperfections make her real, and for me that makes her likeable.
May be it is in the acting and direction. Kristen seems to do her best work when she's with Keith, Wallace, Mac and Logan. With the rest of the cast, her facial expressions seem off and her delivery abrupt. Otherwise, I think Kristen Bell rocks.
My main fear is that this increase in dislike for Veronica will translate into lower ratings and the show will be cancelled before our heroine has a chance to complete her transistion and become generally more sympathetic.
Just my twenty-five cents.
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0 Comments
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