Exorcist: The VCR


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Exorcist: The VCR
03.24.04 (1:04 pm)   [edit]
I'm not sure what happened last night but now I have to get a new VCR. My current VCR seems to be possessed for reasons I cannot understand. When I checked the warranty, I realized that I have had it for almost 5 years. I only use it nowadays to tape my favorite shows. Since I switched to DVDs the poor thing has been marginalized. May be it got jealous. May be that's how it allowed Lucifer to take over.

Last year I waited 4 months for my Loved Up VHS with Rick Warden starring in it. I love the little movie and last night I was in the mood to watch some Rick so I plugged it into the VCR only to hear some really strange noises as the tape began to play. There was a loud shriek and then a burping sound. Then the display said EJECT and kept flashing that word over and over. The belching got louder. Then out flew my Loved Up VHS, well the film/tape part of it anyway.

Like that kid from The Exorcist, my VCR started puking film all over my carpet and I watched in horror as my beloved VHS was scratched, twisted and torn up. I pressed EJECT to try to get the body of the VHS cassete out but that only seemed to make it angrier. It spewed out more film and the display said "STOP YOU BITCH!" Well, it only said STOP, but it was the tone, ya know. It seemed annoyed. I hit the power button to turn it off but it was no use. The puking continued unabated.

Finally, I reached for the plug in the surge protector. Before I could yank it out, the tape spewing stopped suddenly. I stared at the display and it said 00:00:00. I think the VCR passed out from shock and the stress of being possessed. I gently pressed EJECT and the rest of my VHS came flying out and hit me on my left breast (which is slightly smaller than the right one so any swelling I consider a Godsend).

Suddenly everything was quiet. I stared at the living room floor. The carpet was covered with mangled VHS tape and the cassette itself was lying in the middle of it. I knelt down and began to sob. 4 months of waiting gone up in smoke.

"WHY?!!! WHY RICK?!!! WHY?!!"

My sorrow quickly turned to anger. I grabbed all the film up and raised my hands above my head and looked with contempt at the VCR.

"DAMN YOU!!! DAMN YOU!!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!! I HATE YOU RCA 4-HEAD VCR FROM WALMART!!!"

RCA- Really Craptastic Ass-lint. After screaming a few expletives at the VCR, I was exhausted and lay down on the carpet in the fetal position, covered in video tape. I woke up this morning with a stiff neck and a round imprint on my forehead from the tape spool. When I buy my new VCR, I will choose carefully. I might even bring my pastor with me.
 


posted by: dumblondegirl (reply)
post date: 03.24.04 (10:16 am)

I shouldn't laugh at the misfortune of others but that story was so damn funny. Was it the first time watching the tape? Maybe it was that tape that was posessed?



posted by: dangerkitty (reply)
post date: 03.24.04 (11:26 am)

No, this was my third viewing. It's definitely the VCR's fault.



posted by: adinaloki (reply)
post date: 03.24.04 (11:47 am)

lol i love that way u tell that story :)



posted by: HoosierGirl (reply)
post date: 03.24.04 (11:59 am)

LMAO. I love how you worded the story,that was hilarious! I,to,only use my VCR for taping shows. hope mine doesn't get to jealous and go on a rampage! LOL



posted by: aesav23 (reply)
post date: 03.24.04 (12:36 pm)

Only you could turn a dead VCR into a life-or-death struggle. Melodrama knows no bounds! Thank God. ;o)



posted by: JennsAbsent (reply)
post date: 03.26.04 (1:54 pm)

I once had a rocking chair stalk me. Seriously. I hope you burned the offending demon possessed POC and chanted the appropriate seyonce. You can never be TOO safe.



posted by: dangerkitty (reply)
post date: 03.26.04 (2:13 pm)

Reply to: JennsAbsent
I threw it in the incinerator and never looked back.

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