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| The Daily Snail (well, not really daily) |
| 04.28.04 (2:13 pm) [edit] |
WACKO JACKO ABDUCTED BY ALIENS
The Nation of Islam made this shocking announcement Wednesday at a press conference held at the Neverland Ranch in the wee ours of the morning. They said that Mr. Jackson, who stands accused of child molestation, was taken up in the skies in a "big big big flying saucer" and that he has not in fact fled the country to avoid prosecution. "We pray that our brother Michael will be returned to us safely along with his original skin and nose."
GIRL TELLS PARENTS "I'M NOT A VIR-VIR-VERMONT RESIDENT"
Annette Fruity-Jello, 15, of Bootietown MA told her parents Paula and Gian-Carlo that she was not a Vermont resident in dramatic fashion last night. The teenager had returned home at 12:15 am, one hour and fifteen minutes past her curfew after a date with the captain of the football team, Drew Bloodytoe. Her father asked her where she had been, what she had been up to and asked what kind of girl she thinks she is. Miss Fruity-Jello's response lead to her being grounded for a month and the confiscation of her notebook computer and cellphone.
LESBIAN SPANK INFERNO TOP SELLING PORNO OF ALL-TIME
Dick Darlington of Thrillboard Porno Charts reports that in the last year, the BBC's Coupling spin off, Lesbian Spank Inferno, has remained on the top Thrillboard Porno Charts of a record 32 consecutive weeks. The previous record holder was Debbie Does Delaware, the sequel to Debbie Does Detroit which was the sequel to Debbie Does Dukakis which was the sequel to Debbie Does Demi which was the sequel to......which was the first sequel to Debbie Does Dallas.
Remember Rick Springfield? I sure don't
We asked woman of different ages and social standing to recount their fondest memories of the singer of Jesse's Girl and found that very few people remember the 80's heartthrob, including yours truly. Do you remember Rick?
GEICO Gecco tesitifies before Senate Committee for Animal Actors in Television
After weeks of stalling and posturing, the green lizard-like creature agreed to testify before Congress. He had nothing surprising to say. Mr. Gecco simply took the company line. "You could save alot on your car insurance with GEICO."
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Weather
Yesterday was hot and humid and the day before that (which we think was Monday) was also hot and humid. I recall that Sunday was really a wet day. Couldn't do my laundry - frickin' hail storms! Last week was mostly cloudy with highs in the upper 70's. Tomorrow, the weekends - who knows? What do you take me for - a bloody psychic?
FOR SALE: Bag full of body fat from the producers of FOX's The Swan. $300 OBO.
Single Killer Whale seeking mate to shag and produce offspring that will be sold into slavery and shipped to another aquarium theme park. Contact Bubba at SeaWorld San Antonio.
70 year old stripper seeks employment. Will perform at stag parties, nursing homes and bar mitzvahs. $5.50/hour.
You tall geeky guy with crap haircut in elevator. Me saucy girl with big butt. Let's meet for coffee. 555-FARK.
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posted by: ladybean (reply)
post date: 04.28.04 (1:05 pm)
LOL hilarious.. poor Jacko.. he NEEDS to be abducted, it's the only way his ash will be saved from this mess he's in. And yes, I DO remember who Rick Springfield is.. Not my idea of a hearthrob but I remember him.
posted by: newbie (reply)
post date: 04.29.04 (5:25 am)
I remember Rick Springfield very well, very cute as I remember with green eyes, you know how much I'm a sucker for green eyes! Joolie xx
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