I do not heart Vending Machines


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I do not heart Vending Machines
04.28.04 (3:54 pm)   [edit]
Vending machines are supposed to be a convenient way for lovers of soda, bottled water, candy and snacks to get their groove on without having to go to a store. They're convenient when they f--king work, otherwise they are thieving cold-hearted dumbass pieces of metal and hard plastic that are put on this earth for the sole purpose of raising my blood pressure. Oh, and let's not forget that if you try to fight back, they will tip over and crush you to your death!

So today, I went to the evil bi-otch of a vending machine we have downstairs to buy some Sprite (****the official softdrink of Natblog - Obey your thirst!*****). I put my dollar into the slot. It was immediately rejected. I searched my purse for a newer dollar bill. Placed it in the slot. Rejected. I turned it upside down and placed it in the slot. Rejected. I turned it rightside up and turned it around. Accepted. I pressed the button for Sprite (****the official softdrink of Natblog - Obey your thirst!*****). The machine burped, moaned and clanked. My change fell out. Then another burp and a headache-inducing high-pitched beep. No drink.

So I did what we all do. I stuck my hand up the machine's ass (if you think about it, that's what the dispenser does - swallows your money and shits out soda cans). I tried to feel around to see if my drink was stuck. Nothing.

Suddenly, the Pepsi guy rolled in with a dolly full of Pepsi products. He asked me what happened.

"The Coke machine took my money, gave me change, but no drink. Sniffle, I want my Mommy....I mean money!"

"Well, I wish I could help you but that ain't my machine."

He then pointed to the number on the machine and said to call it and ask for a refund. Yeah, I'm gonna call long-distance for a 60 cent refund. Just as I was walking away, the Pepsi guy stopped me.

"Here, have a Mountain Dew on me!"

"Aww thanks." I took the Mountain Dew (****the NEW official softdrink of Natblog - Do the Dew!*****) and headed back to my office quite pleased with myself. That evil Coke machine can kiss my (rather large) ass.


=http://img34.photobucket.com/...
Image courtesy of Krazed One.
Thanks!




 


posted by: J (reply)
post date: 04.28.04 (12:58 pm)

yeah the vending machines at motels are funny.
chips, soda, razors, condoms, and toothbrushes all in the same machine. lol



posted by: ladybean (reply)
post date: 04.28.04 (1:04 pm)

this clearly rivals those high robbery payphones. You put a quarter in. it slides through. You do it again.. and it slides through AGAIN. One more time. it stays in, you dial.. no answer, you hang UP. and you can't get your quarter back.. grrrrrrrrrr.. At least you got a drink :)) The Pepsi Guy prolly saw that commercial where a Pepsi guy went to drink a coke(or was it the opposite?) and then the whole rack came loose on him! :))



posted by: dangerkitty (reply)
post date: 04.28.04 (1:05 pm)

Reply to: J
Yeah, you're covered from head to ass. :~}



posted by: dangerkitty (reply)
post date: 04.28.04 (1:06 pm)

Reply to: ladybean
That commercial is funny.



posted by: pinkstar7790 (reply)
post date: 04.28.04 (1:17 pm)

ahahahahahahaha. oh wow. that made me laugh. vending machines suck.



posted by: J (reply)
post date: 04.28.04 (1:38 pm)

Reply to: dangerkitty
lol just such weird things to be in the same vending machine. lol



posted by: crap pix (reply)
post date: 04.28.04 (2:41 pm)

I want to see a vending machine that gives you a haircut

http://www.chaparraltree.com/vending/



posted by: gfak40 (reply)
post date: 04.28.04 (9:41 pm)

As usual, you outclass me...sigh...



posted by: dangerkitty (reply)
post date: 04.29.04 (10:55 am)

Reply to: gfak40
Say what? What are you talking about Mr. Funnyman? :)



posted by: mblog (reply)
post date: 04.30.04 (9:48 am)

It's all a plot, I tell you. Mountain Dew has caffeine, while real mountains generally don't. They want you to get addicted.

When I was in college, we had a vending machine that could be jerked off. If you put your money in and grabbed its knob and pulled just to the point where is was about to dispense, eased up a little and let it in a fraction, pulled back again just a tad, you could get an endless supply of candy.

Once word got out, the vending machine owner removed the machine.



posted by: Mal (reply)
post date: 05.12.04 (11:37 pm)

I believe this is one of your best blog posts ever. One of my favorite anyhoo.

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