JACK 2004 Update


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JACK 2004 Update
05.25.04 (5:58 pm)   [edit]
Captain Jack Sparrow, the National Pirate Party Presidential nominee has endorsed Cock-eyed Bugger's Health Care Bill for Seniors - affectionately known as "The Walk the Plank Act". Cock-eyed Bugger's health care bill will be under consideration in the Senate later this week. Captain Jack said that if the bill fails to pass this summer he will re-introduce the bill should he be elected President. The Walk the Plank Act specifically states that doctors, lawyers, insurance agents and hospital workers who exploit, overcharge and mistreat seniors should be made to walk the plank with a large cannon ball strapped to their ankles. Jack said the bill was very personal to him. His foster mother, Cecilia Bucktooth the Old Sea Hag, was humiliated in a nursing home recently when one of the orderlies confiscated her rum and cognac, given to her as a Mother's Day gift by Jack, because of drug interactions. The orderly was later found sharing the liquor with the rest of the staff in the nursing home basement while the residents were screaming for their bed pans to be changed and the TV channel changed to A&E so they could watch Murder She Wrote. "We missed the whole bloody prologue and were completely lost for the remainder of the episode!" complained Ms. Bucktooth. Captain Jack was heard to say that it should be against the law in the first place to produce pharmaceuticals that interact with a person's alcohol consumption. "Nothing should come between a man and his pint o' grog!"
As a result, the American Association of Retired Pirates, AARP (II), has given Captain Jack their official endorsement. Crusty Backside Bobby, AARP president, made the announcement this morning at a press conference held at the Jolly Roger retirement home in Florida. "Do you know the probability of a pirate at age 16 reaching the age of 65? Um...well nobody really knows but I'm sure it's smaller than the probability that Hugh Heffner doesn't take viagra. Pirates live very dangerous and harsh lives and those that live long enough to be retired should be treated with respect and dignity."


Tired of two-faced candidates? Vote for me. I'm ALL PIRATE!!=http://img38.photobucket.com/...
Scroll over image for a special message from Captain Jack


 


posted by: dragons5 (reply)
post date: 05.25.04 (3:07 pm)

arrrrrrrrgh matey. I wanna be a pirate.



posted by: dangerkitty (reply)
post date: 05.25.04 (3:08 pm)

Reply to: dragons5
Join the NPP and vote for Jack in November. ARRRGhhhhh!

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