| JACK 2004 Update |
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posted by: dragons5 (reply) post date: 05.25.04 (3:07 pm) arrrrrrrrgh matey. I wanna be a pirate. posted by: dangerkitty (reply) post date: 05.25.04 (3:08 pm) Reply to: dragons5 Join the NPP and vote for Jack in November. ARRRGhhhhh! |
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Captain Jack Sparrow, the National Pirate Party Presidential nominee has endorsed Cock-eyed Bugger's Health Care Bill for Seniors - affectionately known as "The Walk the Plank Act". Cock-eyed Bugger's health care bill will be under consideration in the Senate later this week. Captain Jack said that if the bill fails to pass this summer he will re-introduce the bill should he be elected President. The Walk the Plank Act specifically states that doctors, lawyers, insurance agents and hospital workers who exploit, overcharge and mistreat seniors should be made to walk the plank with a large cannon ball strapped to their ankles. Jack said the bill was very personal to him. His foster mother, Cecilia Bucktooth the Old Sea Hag, was humiliated in a nursing home recently when one of the orderlies confiscated her rum and cognac, given to her as a Mother's Day gift by Jack, because of drug interactions. The orderly was later found sharing the liquor with the rest of the staff in the nursing home basement while the residents were screaming for their bed pans to be changed and the TV channel changed to A&E so they could watch Murder She Wrote. "We missed the whole bloody prologue and were completely lost for the remainder of the episode!" complained Ms. Bucktooth. Captain Jack was heard to say that it should be against the law in the first place to produce pharmaceuticals that interact with a person's alcohol consumption. "Nothing should come between a man and his pint o' grog!"