Secretly Straight Man Seeks Perfect Woman


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Secretly Straight Man Seeks Perfect Woman
03.15.06 (12:20 pm)   [edit]
Howdy!!

I am posting this in the hopes of finally finding my friend's soulmate. He's a really caring and sweet person and deserves to be happy. I know that he gets awfully lonely and as a result calls relatives and friends at 5-6am on Saturday mornings and even earlier on week days. He definitely wants companionship but has gotten to the point where he is no longer interested in looking for it. His main complaint is that he will never find a woman as wonderful as his mother and his 7 sisters. Yeah, seven.

Here are some (not so) interesting facts about my friend:

1. He has a 40 lb cosmetic bag filled with moisturizers, buffers and "personal" wipes.
2. 80% of his closet is Dry Clean Only (including some t-shirts)
3. He has all his shoes professionally polished on a weekly basis.
4. Gets a professional manicure fairly often.
5. Spends 45 minutes grooming every morning. As a result, he wakes up very early so he can get through his grooming ritual and not be late for work.
6. Knows how to apply the perfect amount of cologne - uses cotton swabs and a walk-thru-the-mist technique.
7. Has several large framed autographed photos of Gladys Knight in his living room.
8. Marc Anthony is his favourite contemporary singer. 9. Is 100% straight but wants a woman he can put on a pedestal, which means he needs a woman whose feet don't actually touch the ground.


#9 is the real problem. He cannot find the woman worthy of his pedestal. He wants this absolutely amazing creature to treat like a queen but no one is worthy in his eyes.

Think you are the one or know anyone who might be?
 


posted by: irishred (reply)
post date: 03.15.06 (8:48 am)

Is he really straight? The list indicates otherwise!

I can say this--he is so lucky to have a friend that cares for him as much as you do Nat!!!

Also--sorry I had left when you said hi in t blurt! I came back and saw you had popped in!

:)



posted by: dustyjumpwings (reply)
post date: 03.15.06 (12:37 pm)

"personal" wipes. Can't stop laughing at that.



posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date: 03.15.06 (6:36 pm)

I'm afraid he will die lonely. Alas.



posted by: dangerkitty (reply)
post date: 03.20.06 (12:20 pm)

Reply to: DeathByGlitter
Well so far, no takers but I'm not giving up so easily.




posted by: dangerkitty (reply)
post date: 03.20.06 (12:22 pm)

Reply to: irishred
Yes, he is definitely straight. I think he might be the love is his life, though.



posted by: dangerkitty (reply)
post date: 03.20.06 (12:24 pm)

Reply to: dustyjumpwings
It's amazing the things people will obsess about. Having a minty-fresh ass never quite appealed to me but as they say, different strokes for different folks.



posted by: dangerkitty (reply)
post date: 03.20.06 (12:26 pm)

Reply to: surrogate
Just as well. I think he might have made some lovely woman very unhappy. I could totally see him being an over-critical spouse.

"No, that's not how you fold the towels. Do it again!"

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