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Remax: Looking for home in Hell?
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| Remax: Looking for home in Hell? |
| 07.02.04 (10:39 am) [edit] |
With the demand for housing in Hell increasing exponentially each year, real-estate agents specializing in the Hell market say that they can't find places fast enough for their clients. We attended the Hell's Real Estate Agent Conference 2004 held at Trump Plaza earlier this year to find out more about this booming market. New home construction in Hell has been increasing over the years but has not been able to keep up with the rising demand.
"The most undesirable neighborhood in Hell is the Seat of Satan. A 4 bedroom house there with semi-detached garage goes for around 900,000 souls corrupted or S.C. (the official currency of Hell)," said Adolf H., a resident of Satan's Seat since 1945, and a keynote speaker at the conference. "Nowadays, you have to be a diabolical war criminal or a TV network executive to get a home there."
"I had a client who wanted to purchase some property for his ex-wife and he was really willing to sell his soul just so that she could live in the lap of discomfort for eternity," said another real estate agent at the conference. "This guy ended up purchasing a 2 bedroom flat for himself as well after sending his wife to Hell Central, the main district."
AE says everyone likes to think of hell as burning, rotting and torture. In fact a resident from Hell has won the Olympic gold medal in burning, rotting and torture every year since the Olympics began. So we can understand why so many people are anxious to become a part of this anti-community.
"The theological definition [of Hell] is spending eternity apart from God and from all others. There is no community in hell. It is the opposite of heaven, which is an eternity in God's presence, with all his holy people." - AE's boss, the other god
Next week, Remax Real Estate will look at the booming Purgatory market.
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posted by: dragons5 (reply)
post date: 07.02.04 (11:39 am)
can i get a fire front condo? i hear its full of chicks on the weekend, and those tourist whores are awesome
posted by: dangerkitty (reply)
post date: 07.02.04 (11:54 am)
Reply to: dragons5
Adolf H. says he has 2 on the market currently. One has a lava infinity pool, the other a molten magma jacuzzi. Move fast, they won't be on the market for long.
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