The Death of Giantsfan


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The Death of Giantsfan
08.16.04 (2:38 pm)   [edit]
Actually he's not dead, but missing. Giantsfan got a teaching gig at a University in a city far far away, the name of which I am not at liberty to divulge for safety reasons (he's currently being stalked by red-butted chimps from Charananananajhani for outstanding parking tickets received while on a visit to East Timbeschezikistan over Spring Break). Anyway, I was hoping to return to Austin in time to catch him and to say a proper goodbye. Just in case I missed him, I sent him a postcard from Jamaica taunting him to get his extremely pale self down to the Caribbean to get a tan. Today I returned to the office to find his part barren and stripped of all Giantsfan-ness save a slinky and a grey stress-squooshy toy in the shape of a brain. I also discovered that he never checked his frickin' office mailbox and never received my postcard. Damn it! I had writted such cutesy anecdotes. This makes me sad. Didn't know how much I would miss him till he was already gone.

So, in tribute to Giantsfan and his quirks I will recite one of my favorite childhood poems:


Free Windy
by Gaseus Anonymous

Mary Mary
Quite contrary
How did your bowels explode?

With refried beans
And collard greens
Chicken on a sesame roll.

Break wind freely
Wherever you may be
'Cause holding it caused the death
Of flatulent Mary Lee.



Wait a minute. That's really not very nice, now is it? I'll type up something he might recognize that's more appropriate than Free Windy.


"Another Man's Done Gone"

Sometimes I think I'm gonna lose my mind
But it don't look like I ever do
I've loved so many people everywhere I went
Some too much, and others not enough

Well I don't know
I may go
Down or up or anywhere
But I feel
Like this scribbling might stay

Maybe if I hadn't seen so much hard feelings
I might not could've felt other people's
So when you think of me, if and when you do
Just say, "Well, another man's done gone"

Well, another man's done gone




Thousands of miles West of Chinese Taipei. What? You were expecting something more specific?
Since I do not have permission to post a photo of Giantsfan (for security reasons), this is the t-shirt I designed for him.
To learn Gianstfan's secret new location rollover the image with your mouse.



 


posted by: Arcan (reply)
post date: 08.16.04 (1:15 pm)

ive been to thousands of miles west of chinese taipei. its very nice this time of year. :)



posted by: dangerkitty (reply)
post date: 08.16.04 (1:24 pm)

Reply to: Arcan

Yeah, me too. My cousin got married there.



posted by: mblog (reply)
post date: 08.16.04 (2:51 pm)

One of my favorite poems from childhood was called "Ain't your momma pretty?" Do you know it?



posted by: dangerkitty (reply)
post date: 08.16.04 (3:26 pm)

Reply to: mblog

I'm afraid not. Tell me about it.



posted by: mblog (reply)
post date: 08.18.04 (1:35 pm)

Reply to: dangerkitty

I would, if I could find it on the web somewhere.



posted by: Angelhac (reply)
post date: 10.10.07 (9:25 am)

Me and my husband have been tryin' all morning to think of this song (we're old.. 34 & 38... and were reminiscing about our childhood)

Ain't your momma' pretty
she got meatballs on her titties,
she got scrambled eggs between her legs,
she got a' big behind like frankenstein,
got a great big nose like a garden hose,
somethin' somethin' somethin'... (can't remember)
... and goes tweet tweet down sesame street

hope that helps anyone on the web who is looking for the lyrics- maybe it will jog your memory and you can fill in the blanks- that's all I've got! ( geesh that was a stupid song!!!) - kids are goofy...

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