Umbrella Abuse


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Umbrella Abuse
09.14.04 (11:34 am)   [edit]
I'm beginning to agree with Mr. Wonder Woman (guy I know who looks good in drag). People should not be allowed to operate an umbrella without proper instruction or may be they should be licensed. Certainly people with umbrellas should not be allowed to use their cell phones at the same time. It rained lastnight and earlier today. I witness many atrocities committed by insensitive umbrella-wielding fiends.

Here are a few tips:

1. Don't just open and shake a wet umbrella any and everywhere. From behind it feels like someone sneezed on your neck. Ew!

2. Look where you're pointing that damned thing!!! How many times must I be bonked on the head by the tips of your umbrella before you realize that that jerking motion in coming from my hair being caught in the wiring. It's common sense to pay attention to what you are doing when you are walking around with a dangerous weapon. Do you just let your mind wonder while you're chopping meat with a cleaver?

3. Don't put your wet umbrella on the seat next to you while on the bus or a park bench. That's just downright mean!!

4. When someone else is approaching you with an umbrella, you should give each other room to maneuver. Don't be a menace on the sidewalks. Don't bang your umbrella into mine, disrupting my equilibrium!!

5. Always give yourself lots of personal space (proportional to the size of your umbrella) when walking with an umbrella in a crowd. You don't want to piss everyone else off and have a mob of poked heads beating down on you!

6. Speaking of the size of umbrellas - golf umbrellas are for golf courses!! They should only be operated by trained professional caddies. Not by some ninny who's afraid to get a little wet.

Let's be honest. We've all committed umbrella-related offenses. I know I have. Let's all try to be a little more sensitive to others in our pursuit of dryness.
 


posted by: momoffour (reply)
post date: 09.14.04 (8:57 am)

God! I can't even remember when the last time I even owned an umbrella was, let alone the last time I used one. But yeah, I'm sure I'm just as guilty as all those other "whackers" out there! Belated Happy Birthday by the way! Love your posts!



posted by: dangerkitty (reply)
post date: 09.14.04 (10:14 am)

Reply to: momoffour

Thanks. My birthday is still a week and a half away. :)



posted by: billybobnob (reply)
post date: 09.14.04 (11:48 am)

tallyho

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