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Billy Bob Thornton Interview
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| Billy Bob Thornton Interview |
| 02.13.04 (11:51 am) [edit] |
It was cold and wet in hell. It hadn't snowed in Central Texas in ages. I bundled up and headed out to get some lunch at this popular lunch counter near my building. On the way I slipped on some ice and fell forward into this skinny man walking in front of me. He screamed about 70 expletives in rapid succession as we both fell over on the pavement. We both got up and dusted ourselves off. That's when I noticed that this scrawny, miserable, crochetty, prematurely-greying, champion of verbal profanity was in fact Billy Bob Thorton. To my shock and horror there was blood on the front of his shirt. He muttered something about some bitch making him wear a vile of her blood around his neck and now that it was broken he was free. He said he owed me for breaking the spell he had been under. I said if he bought me lunch and answered a few questions we would be even. I soon discovered that Billy Bob likes to talk with his food in his mouth and it's not a pretty site. It's even harder to understand what he's saying. In fact, he might as well have been speaking Latin. Here's the jist of our conversation and what I think he was trying to say in Latin.
Nat: What was it like being married to Angelina Jolie?
Billy-Bob: Prehende uxorem meam, sis! Translation: Take my wife, please!
Nat: Seriously, can you give me any details?
Billy-Bob: Nihil declaro Translation: I have nothing to declare
Nat: Hey, that's not what you said when you promised to have lunch and answer my questions. What gives?
Billy-Bob: Hocine bibo aut in eum digitos insero? Translation: Do I drink this or stick my fingers in it? (Mr. Thornton decides to do both)
Nat: Hey, Billy-Bob? Could you please try to focus here? I asked you a question.
Billy-Bob: Monstra mihi pecuniam! Translation: Show me the money!
Nat: What money? Look, you said you owed me. Are we going to do this or not?
Billy-Bob: Labera lege... (LOUD BELCH)...Cogito sumere potum alterum. Translation: Read my lips...(LOUD BELCH)...I think I’ll have another drink. (Mr. Thornton snaps his fingers at the waitress and orders another gigantic glass of Mr. Pibb)
Nat: What about your adopted son, Maddux? Do you spend anytime with him? What would you say if you saw him now?
Billy-Bob: Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem. Translation: In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags. (Mr. Thornton gulps down the last of his drink and stuffs the last six inches of his toasted sub like a Conehead)
Nat: Jeebus! Where does it all go?
Billy-Bob: Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari? How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? (Mr. Thornton pulled away from the table and motioned to leave)
Nat: What the f__k? Hey, where are you going? We're not done!
Billy-Bob: Brevior saltare cum deformibus mulieribus est vita Translation: Life is too short to dance with ugly women
Nat: You bastard!!
Billy-Bob: Noli me vocate, ego te vocabo. Translation: Don't call me, I'll call you.
With that, he was gone. I never wanted to see that bastard again, well unless on screen. Bad Santa was the shizzle!
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posted by: BrJb (reply)
post date: 02.13.04 (9:07 am)
I enjoyed the movie Bad Santa! haha.. I laughed ! Nice Blog!!! Check Out mine!
posted by: dangerkitty (reply)
post date: 02.13.04 (9:07 am)
Reply to: BrJb
I did. I did. I did.
posted by: BrJb (reply)
post date: 02.13.04 (9:11 am)
Reply to: dangerkitty
I only wished when i was a kid... that i got to sit on a santas knee who peed his pants! hahha
posted by: gfak40 (reply)
post date: 02.13.04 (9:36 am)
Haha...have you ever seen 'Slingblade'? I have to admit I gained an appreciation for him after that movie...blood vials and all.
posted by: dangerkitty (reply)
post date: 02.13.04 (9:51 am)
Reply to: gfak40
I love Slingblade. I also liked him in Bandits.
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